hard disk crash :(((

oh fuck. i came back from my CNM class to find that i couldn’t turn on my desktop, with an ominous “DISK BOOT FAILURE, INSERT SYSTEM DISK AND PRESS ENTER” message.

despite restarting my desktop a few times, the message remained. i gave up and connected my laptop so i could google and see if this was a solvable problem…

and it’s not. i called up the place i got my desktop from, and they confirmed that it was likely a hard disk crash. since it’s still under warranty, they can just send over and install another hard disk for me, no problem.

the problem is that this happened before my scheduled backups kicked in. which leaves me with NO backups of my programme settings, some of the miscellaneous files i created that don’t fall under the folders i chose to backup, i can say bye to my itunes playlists and a chunk of my music (some of which i deleted when i moved them over to my laptop, because the hard disk there was too small)… ARGH MY PROGRAMMES AND ALL THEIR SETTINGS ARE GONE!!!

gone gone gone. and when i try to remember what exactly i had put in (it takes time to set up everything nicely), i can’t freaking remember anything. the saying about how you don’t miss stuff till they’re gone is TOTALLY true. i miss my desktop already :( why why why why why did the drive with the programme settings and all have to fail??? it would have been really painful if the extra one (with all my movies, dramas, etc) died but at least i could just slowly download stuff back. why did i NOT backup all my settings??? why did i only set my backups to run every two weeks? WHY???

and now i have completely like no mood to do anything. all i can think about is, my hard disk died. my hard disk died. my hard disk died :((((((((

and yes, i know it could have been worse, like me not having a usable laptop (thank goodness i reformatted it!) or it happening like after i’d finished some assignment for NM2208. ARGH now that i think of it, maybe the module cursed me, what with all their talk of hard disk crashes and excuses… arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

as you can tell, i am very upset. i am pretty much depressed now. i could possibly send the hard disk for data recovery, but seeing that it’s probably a physical failure, it’ll cost a bomb. and as much as i need those settings back, i don’t think it’s really worth a few hundred bucks… SIGH. and then there are those files which i somehow DID NOT BACKUP and are not of like monetary value but extremely important to me (SO WHY DID I FORGET TO BACK IT UP?)…

sigh. i suppose what is gone is gone… and from now on and i will very religiously back up my stuff. time to get ANOTHER external hard disk (yes, i’m that paranoid now) so i can completely back up my C:\ drive in future.

someone up there must hate me, somehow :(((

i have no motivation to do anything now. i think i will just take a shower, sleep and hope that somehow my hard disk will be okay again when i wake up… :((((

me in flickr pictures.

saw this on the LJ of my sec 4 classmate yiwen, and i was kinda bored, so…

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

1. - – EELING TUNNEL, 2. the Ultimate Beef Burger, 3. Anderson Bridge before sunrise, 4. green sea of chairs, 5. Depp, Johnny, 6. Apple Juice, 7. New York, New York!, 8. fro-yo, 9. no ideas, 10. Think, food., 11. the procrastinator, 12. Irrational Rainbow

—

hmmm, now i’m craving frozen yoghurt. again.

and it makes me wanna throw up

darnit. i hate how my body clock is totally screwed up now. i’m supposed to go to work at the library at 10am, and here i am, STILL awake at 7.16am. help.

it’s not my fault, really. just as my efforts at recalibrating it were kinda working, i went and had the flu on tuesday night… or actually, wednesday morning, at like midnight. anyway, it’s the post-exam sickness, i swear. if you happen to not fall ill despite all the stress and lack of sleep during the exam period, don’t feel too lucky yet, because your body is just saving it all up for one big bout of flu or something to take revenge for the poor nutrition and unhealthy living habits you imposed on it while ’studying’ for the exams.

or at least i think that’s what my body does to me.

anyway, feel free to skip the later bits, it’s just about me getting the flu. so exciting. well actually, i’m trying to make myself sleepy since there is no school now and there are no readings i can use (i threw most of them away already) to make myself fall asleep with now. you’ve been warned.

i wanna know what it’s like / on the inside of love

just a fyi for the few of you who still read my blog:

i seldom blog now, but i still twitter a lot, so in the event that you want to find out what random thoughts i have all day, do check out http://twitter.com/eerational (if you already have me on facebook, the updates are exactly the same, though).

also, i now own eerational.com! only for a year, but still. i’ve ported my blog over to http://blog.eerational.com but i’m not quite sure what i’m going to do there yet, but you can check it out anyway if you want :D

and sigh, i just have to complain/whine about how i hate the fact that my holiday room is of a completely different orientation… yes, i know i should just suck it up but argh!!! everything that was on my right is now on my left… and now i have to change the layout of my desktop/monitor/speakers setup too. bother. and as always, moving is a bitch. i spent an hour cleaning the room (it wasn’t that bad, until i started cleaning under the bed, where the dirt and dust made my feet turn black), which was followed by over two more hours of shifting and unpacking stuff… and i’m only about 25% done. i’ll save the rest for tomorrow evening because everything else is ‘essential’ (and therefore should be moved last) and i don’t want to move my clothes when i’m already kinda grimy and gross.

but on the bright side, there is still how i met your mother to bring me good cheer. i think it’s really good, and can’t quite believe i didn’t start earlier. but better late than never! also, the soft serve from MOF is totally awesome. i went with yy and maryam today after lunch at the food centre, and oh boy… it’s just so damn good. it’s like heaven in a cup, and when i eat it i feel like all my worries are gone and the world is a wonderful place to be in… seriously. go try it if you haven’t! it’s 20% off on weekdays and a soft serve cone (LOTS of soft serve in a cone, duh. simple but oh-so-good) only costs $2.20. trust me when i say no other soft serve will cut it after you try MOF’s! i’m already thinking about when i can go and get another mof soft serve… haha!

okay, time to go take a shower, watch an episode (or two) of HIMYM and then sleep so i can try and wake up in time to go and stare at microfilms tomorrow… i still dread the evening when i have to pack/move/unpack some more… :( and oh yes, exams. i think i screwed up for everything but SSA2211 (and maybe even IT1003?) but oh well, who cares, i’m not bothering till 29 may. yup that’s it for now, see you guys over at twitter! ;)

if music be the food of love, play on

argh! i keep forgetting that stupid wordpress somehow always gives me a blank post when i publish something new. and so i have to write this all over again… argh. re-blogging is never the same, darnit.

anyway, i wanted to blog about my parents. about how i take them for granted sometimes, and how i sometimes feel like they don’t really care that much, since i’m in hall most of the time and they seldom call to ask about how i am, how’s everything and all. i do enjoy the independence but of course i sometimes want to know that they care.

but when they travel half an hour from their workplace (and like an hour, if they come from home) to bring me lunch or dinner and the homemade apple and orange juice i really like, i know that they do care and that yes, despite all my doubts and the arguments that sometimes break out at home, i am loved.

the angry quarrels we sometimes have illustrates how my mum and dad are not exactly what i would consider perfect parents. but hey, like shanta put on her facebook status yesterday, i’m far from perfect, too. so it all evens out, yes?

so yes, the chicken rice from boon tong kee, the apple and orange juice and the surprise box of bird’s nest really made my day :)

and i guess i should go and sleep now so i can try to wake up before noon tomorrow… i mean today.

2 more papers to go and then temporary freedom because i have to getting ready to move… sigh i hate hate hate hate hate moving. i can’t wait for the exams to end so i can go out and have nice, good food. i want my mexican and indian food. and good pasta. okay better stop now before i make myself hungry.

all that i do, comes back to you

this is utterly retarded. for some reason my entry just disappeared.

anyway, i was like all ARGH cos i just can’t seem to get started on the 3000 word essay even though it’s due like, later today. FUG.

i don’t get why it’s so damned difficult for me to just open up a new MS word window and just start typing. maybe it’s because i know it’s going to be a crappy essay… sigh.

okay, stop your whining and get writing! you are going to finish up this lame, time-wasting blog entry, restart your desktop and then WRITE.

but before that, this is my song of the moment, which i am compelled to share. (right-click and select “save target/link as…” to download)

I know you’re not asleep
I can feel you moving over there
You’ve been playing with the seam
In your worn out underwear
My lips are raw as hell
From biting on them just to stay awake
It’s not like I’m gonna need them, you won’t be around
To see them bleed and break

All that I do, comes back to you
So I’ll just think about you
’til there’s nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I’d rather be dead

I drove out of east Atlanta
With a headache the size of my car
I called to say I was okay anyway
‘Cause I know how you are
I’m like a movie without an ending
You know I’ve got nowhere to go
And it makes me wanna throw up
To see you wanna give up
More than you’ll ever know

All that I do, comes back to you
So I’ll just think about you
’til there’s nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I’d rather be dead

Everything’s supposed to have a happy ending
But the record keeps skipping and the needle keeps bending
Like the road I’m driving to the bridge that has no end
I wanna take back everything that I’ve broken
But the bridges behind me are burning and smokin’
I guess this is the end

All that I do, comes back to you
So I’ll just think about you
’til there’s nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I’d rather be dead

butch walker, cigarette lighter love song (live at atlanta)

here comes the…

i don’t know why i keep letting myself get frustrated and angry about a situation i can’t quite change atm. i keep looking at the list and i can’t help thinking, how am i any less deserving than these people? i know it’s a mean thought but i think it, anyway. it’s funny how i dislike whining but end up doing it anyway. well, i really do think it’s stupid and unfair. and it’s really making me so angry i can quite literally feel this ball of unhappiness in my chest… and i have no idea how to dispel this awful, irritating sensation. i would maybe scream but it’s 4am and i don’t think my neighbours or the RF would appreciate it. what do you do when you’re angry but can’t… urgh. what is the word i’m looking for? it stubbornly refuses to come to me, for some reason. blah.

in any case, i feel so irritated i can hardly concentrate on my book review. but maybe i’m just using this whole situation as an excuse to procrastinate… as usual.

and it doesn’t help that i have a deadly bad feeling about this whole thing. and looking at how i’ve been feeling that this year is really not my year for various reasons, i don’t think my pessimism is unwarranted.

at least i feel slightly better after… VENTING. yes that is the word. don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out. all it took was a minor distraction (me listening to the live version of butch walker’s cigarette lighter love song and running to vuze to download it) and the anger was gone and the word came to me. hmmm. i should either listen to butch walker or look for mp3s to download when i’m angry next time, maybe.

and in a strange sort of way i kind of miss blogging. maybe not the insane, blog-in-excruciating-detail way i used to do, but just writing without thinking about whether the sentence makes sense, am i paraphrasing enough, does this sentence say what i’m trying to express… in other words, writing out of an essay context.

i do occasionally write in another sort of journal, but that’s different. that’s for my eyes only and this is not. it’s the feeling of writing, knowing that people i know might read this, and me wondering what people actually think about what i’m writing… haha. yes, i miss that feeling. and i know i often write in a thoroughly rambly, self-centered way. but that’s just the way i write, and the way i like it.

and of course, when i write here i am free to ignore the grammar rules i so staunchly stick to in essays. especially the no-starting-with-conjunctions rule. i secretly abhor the rule but strictly adhere to it in essays anyway. it is anathema for me to start any sentence with and, but or because. it is simply cannot.

i guess i’ve forgotten about the therapeutic qualities of blogging like this after not having to deal with anything too terrible for a long time. i’m a contradictory, optimistic-but-also-pessimistic person, which explains why i believe that this year is going to be a bad year because last year was a pretty good one. hopefully it’s too soon to tell because the year is just beginning, but i just have that feeling… and my gut feelings are usually (and unfortunately) quite accurate.

to think my original intention of blogging was just to share one of my favourite butch walker songs of the moment, here comes the…, which apparently hit no. 1 on the singles chart after he got featured on the ellen show with pink. cool. but the sycamore meadows album (named after the street his house was on, after it got burnt down – with all the masters of the songs he ever recorded in it! so sad.) has been my album of the moment. just gotta love the weight of her and my favourite ‘nonsense’ song, ponce de leon ave. am listening to a live version of best thing you never had now and it’s really good. i’ve forgotten how much i love his letters album, too. i shall go listen to it now :)

and now that i’ve managed to considerably calm down, i guess it is time to go back to the book review. but not before i leave you with some wonderful butch walker songs, hehe.

[edit: i forgot that wordpress doesn't allow anything remotely javascript-y and imeem can't be embedded as a result... argh. remind me why i'm still on wordpress??? i should move back to blogger but i'm too lazy, plus i can't export my wordpress entries. i would get my own domain and hosting but i don't quite blog enough to justify the cost. oh, woe is me. anyway, click on the song title links to get to the song. i'm too busy/lazy to manually embed the songs at the moment.]

my life explained with lifehouse

i did this on facebook, and i thought i should post it here too since it’s actually quite fun.

vanessa, if you’re reading this… you’re tagged! special mention for you since everyone else has facebook and yy doesn’t have a blog anymore. haha.

The rules:
Choose a singer/band/group.
Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group.
Tag your friends (let them know they’ve been tagged).
Once tagged, you gotta do it too.

Your choice: Lifehouse!

1. Male or female?
Butterfly

2. Describe yourself.
Fool

3. What do people feel when they’re around you?
Mesmerized

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
Better Luck Next Time

5. Describe your current relationship.
Trying

6. Where would you want to be now?
Somewhere in Between

7. How do you feel about love?
Blind

8. What’s your life like?
Sick Cycle Carousel

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Everything

10. Say something wise.
The End Has Only Begun

pain in the neck

argh. it’s “only” 2am but before i know it, the clock will read 5am… darn.

and grrr. i’m annoyed that i can’t really go and rest despite having this pain in my neck (literally, not figuratively) that’s so bad, it’s making my head hurt somewhat.

because, well, i have to write the essay for SSA2211. it’s not actually a difficult essay, but it’s about having to wade through all the readings first. and imagining what the singapore river is like and comparing it to old images because i haven’t actually gone down there, save for a brief look when we were down at the ACM for the history seminar the last time.

damn. i’m not actually sleepy now (having just drank two packets of instant teh tahrik), but the pain in my neck is just preventing me from sitting down and doing those readings… cos it’s keeping me from thinking, somehow. blah.

okay fine, time to stop whining and get back to work… argh. i hate myself.

[and oh, speaking of pain in the neck... i'm glad the it1003 presentation is OVER! i think i nearly burst a blood vessel or two doing it thanks to our incredibly intelligent and wonderful groupmate. i swear i have never felt so intensely irritated with anyone else before. no, not even my sister. at least it's over!!!]

21 moments

i know i haven’t been posting like at all, so i decided to kind of recap last year with a list of the 21 most memorable moments of my 21st year. which really has been one of my best years yet. hopefully my 22nd will be a better year!

1. 21st birthday celebration with the family – best birthday cake ever (from the patissier!) and of course, the huge angbaos… hehe.
2. 21st birthday surprise from the other three (vanessa, maryam, yy, duh.) the pretend-to-ignore-me thing from yy, the door decorations (i still have them and i took extensive photos, no worries… hahaha.), the fake dinner at niqqi’s, getting blindfolded and the ultimate surprise at PS cafe… definitely THE moment in my 21st year :) thanks, guys.
3. vanessa’s 21st birthday surprise which did not go as well as expected… but still very funny to look back on. my favourite moment was the realisation that the 10 coming wasn’t a double-decker bus. haha!
4. the movie marathons we had at yy’s. i can’t even remember how many we had over the year (3?) but they were all fun.
5. manchester united winning the double! special moments include losing to chelsea in the EPL but winning them on penalties in the champions league. also, watching the man u-barcelona match in the middle of exams and vanessa making me want to throw my cushion at her for cheering so loudly for barca. haha.
6. roger federer losing at wimbledon to nadal :(
7. yy’s birthday celebrations (you were so speeshal, we celebrated twice!) – although, by the 3rd birthday we were already running out of surprises.
8. getting terrible exam results for sem 2, 07/08 but also getting calls from cambodia and malaysia to make up for it. :)
9. visiting yy and maryam in malacca! too many things to mention. but looking back, our old, sort-of-creepy hotel at KL was definitely quite the memory… haha.
10. finishing the 50th anniversary book. and the incredible amounts of work and ’suffering’ i had to undergo in the process. and also, making friends with the office staff (rashidah, in particular) and also the numerous dinners at the emmanuels’. which also includes getting to know the emmanuels (especially ciaran! hoho.),  mei yi and shanta.
11. going to penang! the food in penang was worth the terrible bus ride there. of course, the company was good too.
12. the trip back to singapore from penang. all that puking definitely left an indelible (if horrible) mark in my memories. at least now i know i’m susceptible to motion sickness…
13. going for singfest! the huge ticket price was worth it for onerepublic and jason mraz alone.
14. working for jo – the frustrations of the phd thesis and the testimonial were definitely memorable. not in a good way, of course. at least the money was pretty good.
15. buying all my gadgets at the IT fair. yes, i’m that geeky. my favourite item being the monitor, of course. and later, buying my desktop :D
16. celebrating maryam’s birthday – we managed to pull off TWO good surprises (one at dr e’s place, and later at carousel) so the last of the 21st birthdays definitely ended on a high.
17. mccain choosing palin as his vice-president, and all the subsequent palin skits on SNL by tina fey.
18. discovering/watching shows like the l word, the office and 30 rock.
19. obama – yes we can!
20. getting to know a great new neighbour (and her bunnies) – tiffany, of course.
21. the christmas celebration at yy’s – the secret santa thing was great, as was all the wii we played (no pun intended). even if it did make our arms ache like mad and gave me a migraine the day after.