and damnit, i’ve lost my altoids!!!!!
and i have absolutely no idea as to how in the world that happened. i think the person/people up there really hate me :(
if anyone sees my altoids lurking in some corner of school or can buy me a tin of altoids… i’ll be very everlastingly grateful. really.
gah i should have bought two boxes when i saw it at j8.
won’t let the people up there have their way. must and will do well for a’s. so there.
yeouch. i just had to go and do it again, didn’t i? sprain my ankle, that is. me, yy and maryam were resuming our 2-on-1 basketball series, with the two of them versus me. after trailing 4-0 i finally took the lead at 5-4 and was attempting to make my 6th basket when my left ankle gave way. and there you have it, another sprained ankle, meaning lots of pain and inconvenience at… guess what, just before the a’s. whee.
yes, it was my fault for playing basketball but who would have known that i’d sprain my ankle, considering that nothing of the sort have happened after so many basketball games? this sprain isn’t as bad as the last one, but it feels more painful… blah.
i was expecting the usual earful from my mum about wasting money and everything, but fortunately she didn’t say much, apart from nagging a little about the money bit. it’s not like i wanted this to happen, not especially before the a’s, anyway :(
after debating as to whether i should go to the sinseh, i’m kinda glad i went after all. the long wait there was a definite waste of time (after a couple of minutes i gave up and hobbled to the car to get out my history notes) and i swear it was way more painful this time, but i think the ‘new’ sinseh’s also better. for one, he could tell that i had flat feet and that my previous sprain wasn’t fully healed. and his question of whether there was a popping or cracking sound to ascertain if the ankle ligament was torn enlightened me as to what exactly the CRACK sound was the last time round. yes, the sound of my ligament tearing. scary.
and apparently we’re not supposed to drink cold water during and after exercise, because it freezes up your jing mai (i can’t figure out a translation… acupoints? those channel things in your body? nerves?) and makes them stiff and whatnot… which explains why my entire shin and knee also hurt like hell when he rubbed them to loosen them up. bah. stupid, stupid ankle. the sinseh was like you definitely need to come back a few times (do they always have to say that, or are my ankle sprains really that bad?) and i’m like… crap, in the middle of the a’s? :(
and i only have myself to blame. for going off to play basketball, and my pathetically weak ankles. blah. i can’t complain about it enough.
the studying today wasn’t too bad, though there were the occasional very sleepy spells. and we ordered in canadian pizza for lunch – the meat lovers’ pizza and super cheese pizza. they were not bad, though i still like the bbq chicken bonanza best :) i think the school’s really good for studying now that it’s the a’s. except when the people finish their exams, that is. it’s quite a scary thought, isn’t it? the fact it’s already the a’s for some people. and that the a’s are next week…
sigh. i guess i should get back to studying but all the pain in my foot and the absolutely depressing fact that i can’t drink anything cold and have to abstain from certain foods. like tonight’s vegetable curry :’( and despite the sinseh saying that cold drinks are bad for our jing mai or whatever they are, i’m still going to drink cold stuff when my ankle’s okay. how could i possibly live without ice cold water?
and oh yes. we saw carolyn in school today! we were on our way to the basketball court and were just looking at cars in general when we spotted a familiar green subaru impreza. so we played basketball, with an eye on the car all the time, until she finally appeared. she didn’t return our timed practices though… but i think it’s quite understandable, considering that she really didn’t look too well. we finally found out the reason behind her mysterious absence, but i guess i shan’t be a big mouth and advertise it on my blog. all i’ll say is that denise (and her mum) was right, and vanessa’s prediction is (touch wood!) the absolute worst-case scenario. and yes, of course i’ll tell if you ask.
i still can’t believe i sprained my ankle this close to the a’s :(
stupid, stupid brain. it can’t even manage a couple of hours of maths without self-imploding and giving me a mild splitting headache that’s been stuck in my head for the whole day while i fight the almost downhill battle with maths and its denizens known as continuous random variable and complex numbers. at least it’s not a migraine where i can’t keep any food down and where i require a minimum of two hours of sleep in a dark, cool room.
and there’s nothing like writing down a list of the stuff you have to study and making your own study planner to make you realise how much you have to do, in so little time.
maths is still rather shaky owing to the topics that i still am clueless about (which fortunately is less than the topics i actually know now) and the formulas that i have not yet committed to memory.
econs is weird because i sort-of know everything, but i don’t, either. i probably can map out the points for the macro topics but whether i can regurgitate the information and graphs necessary to explain those points is a big question mark. and my knowledge for my micro topics is well… rather micro. the only plus side is that i can practically do mcqs on autopilot now. just need to be careful and brush up on those questions which i have persistently been clueless about, i guess.
history is BAD. owing to insufficient preparation for prelims my knowledge and rigour for history (international history and SEA) is unfortunately extremely half-baked. or perhaps only a quarter-baked, if there’s such a thing. i can vaguely formulate arguments and points for international history, but i draw blanks when it comes to filling in the details, and even coming up with points for SEA is exceedingly difficult for me, save for nationalism.
i guess that means i won’t be watching goblet of fire on opening day… blah. that breaks my tradition of either watching the preview or the movie on opening day. but then again there are more important things in life (like the a’s) and besides, haven’t i stopped worshipping the harry potter series following the HBP fiasco? oh well, i can’t deny that i am really excited about this movie, though. there’s the promise of LOADS of harry/hermione moments, judging from all the pictures and video clips that have surfaced. i refuse to watch all of them though… i don’t really want to spoil my experience of the movie. i can’t wait for the fifth movie, either, actually. if the director will follows the book (and not the HBP shipping madness) there’s plenty of harry/hermione fodder. but the HBP movie will honestly be very painful to watch. snogfest, and harry and ginny… shudder.
and oh, fortunately for me my mum doesn’t think that it’s mean/unfair/selfish of me to ensconce myself in my brother’s room (thereby denying him access to his tv, the ps2 and possibly his bed since he snores) so tuesday will hopefully not be as bad as previously feared. but i swear, if i had the capital i’d follow through my business idea of setting up “study rooms”, especially after reading the article about the numbers of people studying outside in the sunday times today.
okay that’s enough procrastination and digression for now. now that i know what i don’t know (which is a hell of a lot), back to even more maths.
darnit.
after diligently working on my maths (save for a mid-afternoon nap) for the whole day, i was looking forward to unwinding by watching the man u match at night.
but it ended up being a waste of time. first there was the goal in the second minute. fine, one goal’s not really a problem. then came the second, but there was still hope. and then there was a penalty just before halftime. 3-0. highly difficult, but not impossible. when the fourth goal came… well, time to switch off the television and get back to maths.
bah.
woke up at about 7 plus with an absolutely awful splitting headache, which i haven’t gotten all year. which is also rather inexplicable, considering that i usually only get splitting headaches if i go to bed with a headache and without taking napan. i wish my body would stop rebelling against me at this crucial period. bah. took some napan and went back to bed. the headache was thankfully gone when i woke up again later.
been working on maths all day, and i must say that doing the past year papers have definitely boosted my confidence. i’ve been able to do most of the questions, save for some absurdly careless mistakes and the occasional need to refer to one of my many cheatsheets (a problem that i will have to rectify before the a’s, of course) and for the questions that i don’t, i can at least say that i understand the solution? maths used to be one huge question mark for me but the picture’s getting clearer and i actually sort of enjoy doing maths now. cos nothing’s more satisfying than being able to really solve all those questions… although i really still need to work on my carelessness, i guess.
but all my emphasis on maths have also meant that i have scarcely touched history and econs, save for econs mcqs. in fact i should probably ease off the mcqs and work on my essays, considering that essays do take up a large bulk of the maths and that i think i’ve already roughly reached my limit for mcqs. am starting to worry about history, and i think gayle brought up a very good point when she was asking why wasn’t the school doing anything about us not having a teacher to guide us just before the a’s? surely they could temporarily release mrs woo from her administrative duties to just help us out? it’s not like the school wasn’t running before she became vice-principal, right?
oh well. anyway today shows that i probably can study at home. as long as i close the door and keep my brother out and avoid using the computer for anything apart for mp3s, i should be fine. but i’ll probably still head back to school on monday, wednesday and friday next week anyway. think i’ll redo the 2004 maths paper 1 and get ms tan to mark it for me, just so i know where i stand now.
back to a bit of maths (integration by substitution, which i now can grasp, thanks to denise’s clear explanation :D) before i retreat to dear old sleep.
ARGH.
am very, very pissed and upset because i’ve lost not one, but two pages of my carefully written maths cheatsheets. specifically the first page for stats (DRV and binomial distributions) and the CRV page.
i should probably slap myself for not looking around when one page (sample mean/hypothesis testing) flew off when i was getting ready to leave. and i can only rue myself for being a smart aleck and turning on all the fans outside LT1.
arghhhhh. am very annoyed because i put lots of effort into writing those out, and it pisses me to no end that i can’t remember exactly what info i had carefully picked out to include and succinctly summarise into one foolscap page. if only i’d found out earlier. if only a miracle would occur where i actually find those pages back when i go to school on monday…
and finally, one morning where i didn’t wake up feeling more tired than when i went to bed. didn’t stop me from oversleeping, though. was somewhat surprised to find denise already there, and with yijun. went through the other schools’ prelim mcqs before we met winnie tan outside, who was terribly late… and yes that was when my itchy hands turned on all the fans because it was too bloody warm there.
gayle came afterwards to ask her endless questions from the tys, except that there wasn’t enough time. and it was quite a pity that we had to go off for tuition, because the outside LT1 area was practically deserted and almost perfectly conducive for studying. oh well. let’s hope it’ll be like that when i go back to school to study.
i’m annoyed by the fact that there are two public holidays next week, which mean that the school’s closed! darnit. i’ve found that it really is next to impossible for me to study at home. not with my cable connection posing an almost constant distraction, or with my brother either watching tv in the same room or playing the ps2. argh. shall see if i can really chase him out of the room and sit down and study tomorrow.
and oh, it seems like yesterday’s chest pains were probably just very bad indigestion? and not anything like a heart attack, a paranoid thought that did cross my mind a couple of times when the pain did become a bit too much last night. for one, my stomach felt bloated and for another, the pain had very thankfully taken its leave when i woke up this morning. i wish my stupid body would stop throwing tantrums at a crucial time like this, really.
and… back to maths. i’m so horrendously careless that i really feel like smacking myself on the head sometimes.
it seems that the dreams refuse to stop pestering me, even during an afternoon nap. i can’t remember what happened, but it wasn’t a nice dream and i remember myself thinking oh crap, i hope this is a dream before trying to wake up. and wake up i did, in a most confused manner where it took me a while to realise where i was, and what time it was.
dinner was good again today, but it was a rather quiet and unpleasant affair, considering that my sister somehow managed to infuriate my parents, cos she kicked up a big fuss about the maid tidying up our room and created an even bigger mess in the room. it is, in brief, such a bloody annoyance and something i really don’t need right now.
along with the odd and very uncomfortable sensations in my chest and stomach, which came almost immediately after dinner. it’s not exactly very painful, but it’s as annoying as hell. it’s quite reminiscent of gastric pains, actually. a dull, persistent ache that doesn’t really do much apart from making me want to whine about it and/or curl up in bed and hope it’ll go away… bah.
studying in school in the morning was horribly unproductive today. i took two hours to complete two econs mcqs, including the time taken for me to fall asleep, wake up, and fall asleep again… i couldn’t keep awake while going through my international trade notes (which, along with role of government, have been largely untouched since… forever?) either.
it was only when the afternoon rolled around and i started on the 2003 paper for maths that i felt really quite productive. all the sleepiness in me vanished, even when i was left alone with yy going off. it does feel good to know how to do stuff that i previously was completely clueless about, although i did make a couple of grossly careless mistakes, and still don’t know lots of stuff… but it’s a start and i’m sure i’ll get better, hopefully in time for the a’s and not at the expense of my history and econs grades…
sigh. i’d better work on maths while i still have the motivation to do it… and at least the discomfort in my chest and stomach’s mostly gone. and let’s hope i’ll have a good, dreamless sleep that will actually make me feel stressed… damnit, i meant refreshed. gosh.
don’t fear,
even though you’re at a loss.
i’m numb,
a shell of empty thoughts.
but you glow,
you stretch and pull me out.
does that trouble you?
do i trouble you?
love me
hate me
make me live again
i need you around
heal me
hurt me
make me live again
i want you around
so long,
i never had experienced
this bliss.
so how could i resist?
and i’m fine
a little light-headed.
does that worry you?
i didn’t mean to worry you.
love me
hate me
make me live again
i need you around
heal me
hurt me
make me live again
i want you around
now, retreating from the light
i love it when we fight
it makes me think
at least you still care
give up, you’re not going anywhere
moonlight, illuminates your stare
and it’s great, captivating you
does that trouble you?
i didn’t mean to trouble you
love me
hate me
make me live again
i need you around
heal me
hurt me
make me live again
i want you around
[better than ezra: live again]
there’s just something about the $4.50 herbal chicken my parents have bought for two days in a row that whets my appetite and makes me go for second helpings of rice. which hasn’t happened since… i can’t even remember when. but it’s been good dinner for two days, so i’m not complaining :)
unfortunately sleep has not been as kind to me. the odd, slightly disturbing dreams that have been inexplicably plaguing my sleep means that i’ve been waking up feeling like i haven’t slept at all. which really is quite strange, considering that i’m actually getting slightly more sleep than i usually get…
my exhaustion was quite evident from how i overslept and had to practically drag myself out of bed to meet maryam and yy at compasspoint for breakfast and studying this morning. me and yy headed straight to burger king, and it was only halfway through breakfast that maryam messaged to say that she was only going to be late cos she didn’t hear her alarm go off. me and yy were way too sleepy to do any work so we took a short nap first…
when maryam finally arrived, she had to rush off almost immediately to run an errand for her mum. today’s studying was unfortunately not as productive for me as i’d hoped. at least i’ve sorta made sure that i can do mathematical induction and binomial theorem?
and we got sidetracked into making out a list of things we want to do after a’s, and a great portion of it (more than half!) involves food… haha. i can hardly wait :D and we also went off to cold storage to take a look-see… after that we studied a bit more, before going to four leaves to buy their delicious breads. maryam and yy decided to watch me get my hair cut at supercuts (or rather, read the latest issues of her world and other magazines) and after that yy had to rush off upon finding out that her mum was in sengkang, cos she’s supposed to be in school.
and oddly enough sports connection no longer stocks deuter bags? deuter’s my preferred haversack/backpack brand, but given that my right shoulder and hip have been aching badly from having to lug heavy books to and from studying areas in my duffel, i really was quite desperate for a haversack. popped by royal sporting house for a look, and they had an adidas one there wasn’t too bad, so i got it. to think of it i’d still much rather get a deuter, actually. but oh well.
and damn, that’s another night that has flown by without me really studying. there’s no time left. start panicking, damnit!
yeah, you got to live for your own
you say you got all the sordid details
check-out retail
watch it sell
i got to see that lie
you say what you’re going to say
you got to know it’s a bitter poison
sapping all of your soul away
yeah, juicy
juicy
[better than ezra: juicy]
a nice song with lyrics that don’t really make sense, though i really like the “aw aw aw aw aw, juicy” refrain. ABC networks used this song for their new desperate housewives advertisement! how cool is that? finally, a non-mainstream band that i like gets some recognition. like how lifehouse featured on smallville, although lifehouse admittedly borders on mainstream, especially with their new album. but they’re still sadly not as popular as they really should be…
but i still love my music anyway :)
new photos from maryam’s camera have been duly uploaded and hilariously* captioned.
go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/3404 for photo and caption goodness. all 3404 people are welcome to upload their photos (am still missing photos from denise, vanessa and mark) so we can all enjoy them. and so i can add my hilarious* captions to them.
i like flickr, cos it’s quite fun to use and all. my only gripe is that you can’t really arrange the photos , except in a set. and too bad google didn’t acquire flickr (although i was actually somehow quite inclined to believe that, flickr feels very google-like) cos that means it doesn’t really integrate with picasa2. but at least the comments you put into picasa2 usually show up on flickr too, which really makes it easy for me to add all my wonderful* captions since i can view the photos in detail.
photos are fun. if and when i ever get my ixus i zoom i’ll go round snapping photos like nobody’s business. unfortunately the ixus i i currently share with my sister is rather lousy when it comes to taking nice, artistic sort of photos. haha.
haven’t really studied since i came home, but at least i helped denise with her gp tuition essay! which is a really tough question of “is education a form of terrorism?” it’s a really interesting question, but it’s not one that i would attempt during my gp paper. it’s too risky, and i don’t like gambling on my a level papers…
gonna go sleep now. am completely exhausted as usual, with my back sort of aching now. i’m either really stressed, am turning into an old woman, or both. blah.
*note: opinion of yy and maryam only.
gah. not that sleepy feeling again. it’s the kind that persistently hovers around your brain and draws a fog over all your thoughts… and of course it makes you keep yawning too. and the fact that i’m typing the word “yawn” only serves to make me yawn even more.
started the day off on a sleepy note, when i overslept for about 10 minutes (which i’d cleverly accounted for when i told the maid to wake me up) owing to the fact that i only retired to bed at 4am. yes i guess i was a bit mad last night, but i just had to get some work done after my whole depressive episode.
and speaking of which it really was quite odd. when i was on the downswing of my mood every thought i had was negative and only served to further depress me. but once i got out of it, i was wondering why the hell i was feeling so down and depressed for. gosh i’m weird.
and we got hit by a particularly shocking piece of news this morning, when vanessa forwarded ms ng’s message that she was going to be on a two week (!) mc and would only be back on the 7th. it was shocking in the sense of what kind of condition or illness would warrant a two week mc??? it didn’t help that she was being cryptic about it, refusing to allude to any condition despite yy messaging to ask. our initial diagnosis was chicken pox, but she denied having that. so what happened to her? my take is that she might be trying to escape the pressure of having to mark pw on top of our numerous essays. well, whatever it is, she can expect to be bombarded by questions the moment she gets back to school, anyway. and somehow or another she’s still returning and marking our essays… probably getting uncle tan to be her fed-ex guy or something. haha.
work wasn’t exactly that productive in the morning. first that was the discussion over ms ng, and then there was the “who’s who in measure for measure” conversation maryam and yy had. and there was well… the harry potter one. enough said, i think. and lots of other random conversations, like the one about AIDS and how it’s because some depraved idiot decided to screw a primate and the one about the premiership weekend with mark, when he arrived later (presumbly to meet ms ng, except that she went MC on us). i ended up only doing two mcqs for the whole morning… so much for studying and productivity eh.
after yy scooted off in her red cab for her doctor’s appointment me and maryam took a break at the free access room. and i was THIS close to finally getting on an american eagle spree but i didn’t want to risk accessing my posb account on a school computer. when i reached home the spree was closed :’( gahhh. but at least i introduced maryam to the nice threads at american eagle, and she was quite instantly smitten (as i was) with the gorgeous tshirts, hoodies, pants and skirts there… must get my hands on some american eagle wear soon.
the afternoon was considerably more productive for me, once i got over my sleepy spell upon our return from the free access room. and i just recalled how i almost very nearly lost my phone and ipod, because i carelessly left it in the free access room. thank goodness i realised it one minute after leaving the room, or who knows what might have happened to my precious babies… which is like two-thirds of my absolute essentials (phone, wallet, ipod). i really should count myself lucky, i think.
and yes, about my studying. i sussed out a few (more like one or two only, actually) complex numbers sums and did some mathematical induction. which admittedly wasn’t a lot, but that was more productive than in the morning, anyway. and the cafe area’s damn leaky. it was leaking everywhere during the heavy downpour… there seriously wasn’t a single table that was dry. we were later joined by vanessa, who migrated from the then too-noisy LT1 area. which is a bit ironic considering that she was asking us how did we study at the noisy cafe earlier… haha.
the weather decided to be funny and it started pouring again after me and maryam got on 72. i think maryam had to walk home in the rain or something. i was a bit more fortunate, because the rain let up and was a mere drizzle as i carefully made my way back home, knowing my proneness to slipping and falling in wet weather conditions…
and whew. that’s quite an entry. probably because i’m sleepy and am feeling a tad too lazy to sit down and study… think i’ll take a short nap and start on history. i haven’t touched it in ages.
talking in her sleep again
reciting lines start to end
but she’s not crazy
(knock on wood)
just a little misunderstood
she takes a walk at 4AM
wakes the neighborhood again
and i find myself recalling everything she used to tell me
aw yeah, alright, truth hurts inside
aw yeah, that’s right, you go around once in life
everybody wants to be a part
everybody loves a situation
who would ever want to play the part
of anonymous numbers on a governmental chart
[better than ezra: misunderstood]
i like the chorus. because it really is true, isn’t it? haha.
got back in the groove of things after playing loads of hyper frame… managed to complete up to mind cube 31 but i am still quite inexplicably unable to solve mind cube 12. very odd.
and got back meaning i just did quite a few econs mcqs. i finished up HCI and did VJ, SA and AC.
this is what might have happened if i was at any of these other jcs…
AC – 22/30
AJ – 23/30
HCI – 24/30
RJ – 22/30
SA – 22/30
VJ – 17/30 (!)
i conclude that aj’s mcq paper is still probably the easiest, considering that if i factor in careless mistakes, my highest possible score is 28/30 as compared a somewhat distant 26/30 for the nearest highest possible score (the ac paper). i’m not making any sense, am i? well in terms of raw score i’d be happy if i was at hc (surprisingly, no careless mistakes! only conceptual and completely ??? ones) and thank goodness i’m not at vj after all.
i think my mcqs still really do suck, but i guess i need to focus on more core stuff. like my pathetic essays. and even more pathetic case study. i guess the a level prep should be enough practice, and like… one more round of the tys. if i have the time, that is.
getting a bit tired and headache-y. i still have to wake up at about 3 hours later to go to school and study because the home really is the worst possible place to study. surrounded by too many distractions (bed, tv and the computer which = blogging, random surfing, FM2006) and there’s no one who really bothers to persistently wake me up when i fall asleep over my red and purple books.
time to catch some rather well-deserved zzz’s.
