i am alone at a crossroads

just a few random thoughts before i turn in for the night. properly, this time, because i cleverly forgot to turn off the lights today. still managed to get a rather good night’s rest though, amazingly enough.

SEA tutorial about SSGB (sex, sexuality, gender and beauty) was alright. rather interesting discussions, but apart from differing opinions i didn’t learn much. ditto for the first ever why history tutorial, where the class was super quiet. crosswell’s attire of uber-tight tshirt and shorts was rather amusing, but as usual he just kind of talked a lot. which is probably the class’s fault because mostly everyone didn’t want to talk. and since it was mostly stuff from eu, i ended up randomly spouting words like bourgeoisie, the aristocracy, the king, capitalism, textiles to answer crosswell’s questions. he split his content up into four sections, political social economic and the “-isms”. i fell asleep during the social part, didn’t help that i was sitting right smack in front and that i was alone that time… but you can’t really blame me, it wasn’t the most illuminating of lectures and i was having a headache…

and oh yeah, the oscars. yipee jennifer hudson won! too bad none of the dreamgirls songs won, i would have liked listen or patience to win… oh well. am pleased that the departed won, it’s a good movie. even if there was a bit too much cussing and i got a monster migraine midway through the movie. i have got to go watch babel, though. and little miss sunshine. and letters from iwo jima. and pan’s labyrinth. holidays come quickly!

and boy do i love my new speakers. they’re louder, bigger, better. listening to my music on them is really quite a joy, because the vocals are clearer and i can hear a lot of the subtleties in the music, little things that add up to my enjoyment of my favourite songs that i couldn’t catch on my creative speakers, the harmon/kardon ones at home or even on my aurvanas. when you’re listening to the new speakers you might sometimes think well it’s not that special. not until you plug the old ones back in and realise the gulf in quality. my speakers also have a rather good bass range, which i like though in some songs it’s a little too much. but i really really love them, it brings my music enjoyment to a whole new level…
j hud, beyonce, paolo nutini, tonic, dishwalla, lifehouse, shayne ward, chris daughtry, natasha bedingfield, holly brook, john mayer, sister hazel, the fray, better than ezra, snow patrol, butch walker, socialburn, switchfoot, savage garden, quietdrive, jason mraz, sanctus real… they’re all living in my speakers now, haha :D
moral of the story is, get altec lansing speakers if you can, they’re a lot more value for money. but my old creative ones are going for only 20 bucks (they sell for 35 outside) and while they’re nowhere near my altec lansing ones, they’re definitely better than your laptop speakers and they’re still in great condition so 20 bucks is a good deal. do tell me if you want to buy them!

and oh god, the nus connection was non-existent yesterday. and this time it wasn’t just me, it was the whole of eusoff hall. if i was lucky i’d stay connected for at least fifteen minutes, if i wasn’t i’d be stranded with a connection that thinks it’s alright when it isn’t for nearly an hour. it became impossible to hold a msn conversation with anyone else in hall because i’d say something and suddenly get logged out, when i finally come back on and restart the conversation, the other person would end up getting disconnected. how fun. and thanks to the wonky connection i still don’t have my latest episode of heroes. grrr.

went for the talk on the UNC joint degree programme, and oh man. it really sounds damn good and i would be the first to apply if not for the things i have to consider, such as the costs involved and whether i can temporarily uproot myself from singapore for at least a year… but those are seriously the only drawbacks, because everything else is are pluses. like the experience of an education overseas, and a certificate issued by both universities.
but what really gets me is the range of history courses they offer, because since they are an american university, they offer more courses on american, european and international history. and ancient/medieval history too, which i’m interested in but a little skeptical of taking because i’m not so sure how that will fit in with the rest of my modules in nus. but oh man the thought of all those drool-worthy history modules is enough to convince me.
but then we later discovered that they’re probably only sending FIVE students for the pioneer batch. and since there are five majors covered, my guess is that it’s one student per major. so much for going over there with maryam… she’s competition now. oh wait it says on the nus site that it’s 8 to 10 students. THERE IS HOPE! i mean, i have to see if my parents and afford it and whether i can get the bursary and whether i can get over living there for a whole year (and spending my 21st birthday in a foreign land) and of course there is the question of whether i can even get accepted… but we’ll see. hopefully. maybe.

watched the first disc of grand illusion again with maryam, and we had a bimbo moment when we didn’t realise which jack we were supposed to plug the headphones thing into for like half the time we were there and ended up watching it with the sound out loud… but how were we to know, the jack we kept trying was clearly labelled sound/headphones…
went for dinner with her and yy at niqqi’s after that. had the pattaya chicken rice which tasted a little strange at first but got better the more i ate, and after i put some curry on it. the curry (or whatever that is pretending to be curry) is good for something after all! but man i really am craving good prata. why have we not hauled our lazy bums over to casuarina curry yet???

i have written most of my field trip report for SEA and have determined that a single double-spaced page is most definitely inadequate. but then again i guess that means they’re not really looking for that much stuff. i’m writing about geylang, based on memories from when we ate there the last time. and from info from sammyboy, which is a rather… seedy website. it’s rather explicit and crude but it’s insider info and definitely useful for someone who can’t really remember anything apart from what i blogged about it the last time. and since we did talk about this during tutorial, i’m just going to kind of regurgitate stuff that we said. how nice and easy, if only all my assignments were as relaxed and i hate to say this, brainless. at least the project will occupy more brain cells. which speaking of, i need to decide on a topic and start soon.

i’m a coward, i have no resolve, i need to stop running away. don’t you hate how you make yourself come to a decision, only to have all your strength and resolve unravel the moment the situation remotely seems to tilt in your favour? live with it, face up to it, just do it… easy to say, hard to do. i’m still not feeling much, apart from being disappointed with my abject lack of will. and as the zutons said, it’s confusion raining down from up high… bah.

okay i’m getting sleepy so i guess i shall sleep now. and heh, random thoughts my foot la, it ended up being a full-blown entry, but that’s just me i suppose, once i start blogging it’s hard to stop at a short, non-informative entry. but sleep calls.

a melody i start but can’t complete

sigh, it’s been a most unproductive recess week. maybe it’s the whole holiday feeling, but i just can’t seem to conjure up any enthusiasm for studying. doesn’t help that the material i’m reading for why history feels rather dry and slightly irrelevant. i should be starting on my reaction paper for why history but i still can’t decide on a topic and all the relevant books in the library appeared to have already been checked out. blah.

and oh crud i just remembered the field trip report for SEA too. time to get off my lazy bum and start doing some work for real. let’s hope school starting again is the panacea to my procrastination woes. and that i won’t fall into the trap of incessantly falling asleep in my unfortunately extremely sleep-inducing room. which has only been made more sleep-inducing with the changing of the sheets… damn, i’m going to miss my room like crazy during the 3 month holiday. if i could retain my room for the holidays, i would, actually. saves me the trouble of moving out, plus i can use it as my refuge when my sister PMSes or things like that. but ah well, wishful thinking there…

got my new speakers yesterday :D i was initially rather undecided between the set i’d originally decided on and this cheaper and nicer-looking ones, also from altec lansing. at first i plugged my ipod in as the source so i could compare them with familiar music, but sales personnel appeared after a while so i had to hurriedly keep my ipod… but anyway i think i’ll be really satisfied with my speakers. can’t wait to set them up tomorrow!

and well i guess i don’t have anything to blog about anymore. not really. but sigh. i just wish and hope that i’ll be able to find strength and courage within myself, to stop running away. yes it sucks to lose something you really don’t want to, but when it comes to it i guess i just have to learn to let go. life seldom turns out the way you want it, that’s just the way it is. live with it.

half a sem left to go. how time flies. i suppose this is a little belated but i predict that this will be a sucky sem. and quite possibly a sucky year too. but like all things, and as always, good or bad, it’ll pass and i’ll survive. hopefully. okay enough random chatter, time to sleep. and also…

happy birthday aiping! :)

my heart is numb has no feeling

i’m feeling extremely adverse to doing work of any sort at the moment now, so it’s back to my favourite form of procrastination, blogging.

so i did end up watching dreamgirls again, haha. and watching it for the second time has only made me crazier about it, i’ve listened to the soundtrack quite a few times and i’m still not sick of it. am so gonna get the dvd when it’s out. yeah i’m like practically worshipping jennifer hudson now, and if you know me it’s rather rare that i go crazy over female vocalists. and i’m also wishing that beyonce sang more songs like listen instead of all that hip-hop and whatnot because well, she can sing. i’d take soulful soaring vocals to “funky” hip-hop beats anyday, thank you. hmmm maybe i should consider getting a (gasp!) original copy of the soundtrack. hmmm.

watched it again with maryam and yy at lido, so lunch was naturally at lido. i had cravings for beef but also creamy pasta so i ended up going for the al funghi at pastamania. i got a free drink and soup thanks to the movie stub but i might as well not have gotten it because the sprite was horrible. their drinks mix was screwed up or something, because it tasted like what i imagine drain water would taste like. and the soup was in a plastic bowl so shallow it could hardly be called a bowl, and it was a watered down version of the sauce on my pasta, but with a burnt taste. oh well, at least i didn’t pay for it.

there was still plenty of time before the movie so we wandered around a bit, and eventually ended up at borders. there’s a new shopaholic book and after undomestic goddess (which was not bad) i’m wondering if this one will be any good. i shall wait for a while and see if anyone sells it secondhand or something, and buy it cheap. it’s nice good chicklit and i do need a break from heady thrillers sometimes. though michael crichton’s latest thriller also does sound rather intriguing… but as usual, i don’t feel un-broke enough to get it, nor do i really have the time to read it. shall go on a reading spree during the holidays instead and hopefully i will discover another author (of thrillers, what else?) that will give me the same zings i got from jeffery deaver and to some extent, michael crichton and robin cook. and maybe tess gerritsen. i shouldn’t have read those lincoln rhyme books after all, it has only whetted my appetite for thrillers now… when all that i should be reading is well, readings.

we went all went home after the movie, and i went over to plaza singapura to see if they were done with my aurvanas. apparently they’d messaged me on the 31st of january, but i’m pretty sure they didn’t… in any case they replaced the earphones so i got a completely new set, with new travel case and earbud sets and all, which is nice. now to ensure that i don’t wreck my earphones again because the warranty expires in… oh wait, it’s already expired. damn. if it spoils again i have to try to not to kill myself since these earphones did cost me a bomb and i really can’t afford to get new ones.
i also popped by best denki to see what speakers they have, and was pleasantly surprised to find a display that let you compare all the different speakers since it’s connected to the same source, and i must say in comparison to altec lansing, creative speakers kind of suck. okay they sound alright and look better but they’re just not really value for money. the creative ones are 69 bucks, but this altec lansing set sounds a lot better, has a subwoofer and it’s 79 bucks. no guesses as to which set of speakers i’ll be getting, eh. thankfully my mum has a $30 voucher for best denki so i’ll only be paying 49 bucks. less, if i can resell my creative speakers to someone… i hope vanessa still wants to buy them. i just can’t wait to get my new speakers so i can listen to my music better. music like the dreamgirls soundtrack. haha.

had dinner at home before heading back to hall, and i kind of went on a crazy cleaning spree. i cleared and cleaned my table, rearranged the stuff on it so i get a bit more workspace (and i realise, space for my subwoofer. yipee!) and i also cleaned my horribly dirty fan. the big ceiling one, not my gazz fan (which was also dirty but i only cleaned that today). i also cleaned the bed frame before putting my bedsheets back on, and magicleaned the floor, which i realise was in a rather deplorably dusty state. and for some reason it keeps getting dusty again now. boo.

i’d originally intended to maybe go running at night, but i was so conked out by all the cleaning that i fell asleep waiting for my laptop to restart and only woke up at like 6am. before going back to sleep until nearly 11am, i think. i showered, ate some bread and sat down to try and suss out a few more possible questions for the china project.
rongzhu came over later to ask me stuff about her history essay, and i think i must say that i’m glad i did hy1101e last sem because it seems a bit tougher this sem. the midterm asked questions that i don’t think i can answer well (though i also like to think that i’m just not in the groove for 1101e. but what the hell i’m doing 3 history modules la, if i’m not in the groove for even 1101e i’m kinda screwed right) and the essay has slightly harder (if not a bit more interesting) questions. in short, i probably wouldn’t have had gotten A if i took it this sem. i think.

worked on the china questions a little more, ate some more bread (yes my lunch for the day was bread, i was too lazy to cook anything and didn’t like the flavours of cup and bowl noodles i had) and tried to look for books on china and for the why history reaction paper on linc. went to the library with rongzhu after that to reluctantly return two of my china books and borrow some more, and also help her find some books for her essay. and later i was led on some wild goose chase because of a wonky matric card that couldn’t borrow books one moment but could the next. strange.

went back after that, and kind of read for a while (or procrastinated, can’t really remember what i did) before heading to vivo with yy for dinner. which was taco salad at carl’s jr, of course. we shared so it was a rather cheap carl’s jr dinner. and well, thumbs up to them because they replaced our salad without complaint when we returned it on the grounds that the taco shell wasn’t properly cooked. and it definitely wasn’t cooked long enough, judging from the golden brown taco shell that came later, a far cry from its pale, pasty predecessor…

went to pageone to buy some stuff and then it was off to giant so i could grocery shop. met mei yi there so i took the opportunity to ask her to miss-call me because i’d somehow screwed that up the last time. and she was about to suan me but i preempted that by reminding her what she managed to do with her phone after DP… hahaha.

and on to… other stuff, i’m rather surprised to find that i’m holding up so well this time. the only slightly worrying prospect is that i’m kind of numb. it’s like i can’t really feel anything anymore, at least not about this issue. it’s a far cry from what usually happens but i suppose it’s a somewhat welcome respite from getting all bothered and upset about it. sometimes i wonder if i really can just throw away what has been a huge part of my life and thoughts and if i’m actually digging a hole so deep in my soul that it can’t ever be patched up by detaching myself but well… i guess i’ll just see what happens to me as we go along. i just hope i’ll be able to live with my decision and that i won’t regret it.

and boy i really am just falling asleep everywhere. i managed to conk out in my chair for about four hours… it’s rather scary how i’m sleeping so much, and how i don’t even need my bed to do it. and argh i haven’t really done ANY work this week. and i realise that i need to start mugging for soci. and start on the why history reaction paper, and start planning for all the stuff due at the end of march. the eu simulation and china research project both on the 22nd of march, the soci assignment on the 23rd of march and the SEA term paper on the 30th of march. i sense a meltdown soon.

am in two minds as to whether i should study since i’m already awake or if i should go back to sleep since i’m yawning… decisions, decisions.

just have a little patience

i’m still hurting from a love i lost,
i’m feeling your frustration
but any minute all the pain will stop
just hold me close inside your arms tonight
don’t be too hard on my emotions

cos i need time
my heart is numb has no feeling
so while i’m still healing
just try and have a little patience

i really wanna start over again
i know you wanna be my salvation
the one that i can always depend

i’ll try to be strong, believe me
i’m trying to move on
it’s complicated but understand me

cos i need time
my heart is numb has no feeling
so while i’m still healing
just try and have a little patience, yeah
have a little patience, yeah

cos this scar runs so deep
it’s been hard
but i have to believe
have a little patience
have a little patience

cos i need time
my heart is numb has no feeling
so while i’m still healing
just try and have a little patience

have a little patience
my heart is numb has no feeling
so while i’m still healing
just try and have a little… patience
[take that: patience]

listen.

okay, time to hit the books again. after this entry, and after dinner. no, i don’t consider that procrastination… not really.

this cny has been a rather quiet one for me, thanks to the migraine that wouldn’t go away and kept me at home for most of the second day while the rest of my nuclear and extended family visited my cousin’s new place. apart from going out to my maternal grandma’s place for a while, i spent most of the day finishing up my reading. not soci or why history, but lincoln rhyme, haha.

i finished the twelfth card yesterday, and the cold moon today. and well, i’m a little disappointed, i guess. no, don’t get me wrong, they’re still good thrillers but they didn’t give me the same zing (as yy would say) i got reading the previous books. i can’t quite put my finger on it but it doesn’t have the same GASP OMG factor as before. maybe we’ve just gotten to used to jeffery deaver’s twists and turns, or maybe his writing just isn’t as brilliant as before. or maybe it’s me getting jaded of… well, everything.

but ah, there’s hope yet. there’s another book coming out in june, though not about lincoln rhyme, but about one of the characters who appeared in the cold moon. you just gotta chuckle at how he inserts references and cameos of people who’ve appeared in his other books. like parker kincaid (from the devil’s teardrop) and a thinly veiled hint that this character in garden of beasts is actually related to one of our (or at least, my) favourite characters. and i guess i’ll still read all the lincoln rhyme books that come out, even if they’re not as exciting as say, the bone collector or the vanished man, because you’ve just come to enjoy the familiarity of all the characters – rhyme, sachs, thom, lon sellito, fred dellray and probably ron pulaski…
and okay fine i guess cold moon was actually really quite good but maybe it was reading two lincoln rhyme novels in a row that killed it. well, no matter what i’ve said i still can’t wait for the next jeffery deaver novel. or the next thriller that will give me that page-turning zing.

i also relaxed today by watching the latest episode of heroes, which was better than the last episode though i have to say it didn’t give me the same zing i got watching the earlier episodes, either. but it’s still good and as usual, i can’t wait for the next episode. at least with tv series you don’t know where and when they end, so you can be kept in suspense for as long as the scriptwriter or producer wants. you can’t get that with books or even movies, because with a book you know it’s not going to end with a few dozen pages left, and with a movie it’s so not going to end when you’re only an hour or so into the movie. and it’s funny how most of us have this love-hate relationship with suspense. you kind of don’t want it because you want to find out what happens NOW but then again, not being able to find out immediately just adds to the fun, doesn’t it? it’s funny how things work in life.

yeah, things work funny in life. i’m feeling rather disappointed now, actually. with myself, with people, well, the world? but nah this isn’t some angsty rant. i’m not happy but i’m not depressed either. a couple of weeks or even days ago i might have sunk into the lower end of a mood swing, but somehow i’ve managed to control myself, this time.
maybe i’ve finally seen the light and given up, maybe i’m just tired and maybe this is only a brief respite before i start it all over again. but i’m feeling okay. maybe mildly panicking over my pile of readings and things that i have to get down to working on (why history reaction paper, china research project, SEA field trip report, research for the eu simulation.. damn, that’s a lot) but that’s about it. no moping, no wondering why is it this or that way, why can’t things go back to the way it used to be, etc etc.
i mean c’mon, just face up to reality already. it may sting a little or it might hurt like hell but hello, that’s life, isn’t it? suck it up and move on. who cares what it was like before, it’s all in the past now… argh. damn i actually hesitated a moment when i typed that. i guess moving on and getting numb isn’t as easy as it sounds. but given a little time, i guess i could. i hope i will.
so well, i’m trying. the ball’s in the other court now and it’s anybody’s guess as to what will happen at the other end. maybe things will turn out fine in the end, maybe it won’t but at least i tried. admittedly i am going down the slightly easier path because deep down i’m still a coward who can’t face my fears, but at least i can say in future that i tried to try. and well i guess i’m kind of running away. i just hope i won’t regret doing so.
well after all i’ve said i just hope i manage to stick to what i’ve decided to do. i have a frighteningly weak resolve when it comes to… well, practically everything. but this time i am going to have a will of steel and i’m going to hold on and hang on. oh yes i will.

and in other news, i’m quite crazy over dreamgirls now. i keep listening to the soundtrack and i’m seriously having thoughts of watching it again. and i don’t even know why i find it so compelling, there were parts in the movie when i was yawning and wondering when would this song end… but i guess on the whole i really just like the singing and everything. now, if i only had the time and money to watch it again…

okay i’m gonna read why history now because i know i can’t really bear to read soci now and if i do i’ll end up abandoning the readings or textbook and procrastinating instead.

step 2: realisation and facing up to reality.

listen
to the song here in my heart
a melody i start but can’t complete
listen
to the sound from deep within
it’s only beginning to find release

listen
i am alone at a crossroads
i’m not at home in my own home
and i’ve tried and tried to say what’s on my mind
you should have known
oh now i’m done believing you
you don’t know what i’m feeling
i’m more than what you made of me
i followed the voice you gave to me
but now i’ve got to find my own
[beyoncé: listen]

and i am telling you i’m not going

hmmm, just came back from watching the midnight sneak preview of dreamgirls with my cousins, and although i’m a little sleepy and harbouring a slight migraine, i just feel like blogging so here i am, listening to the soundtrack which i’d downloaded some time ago but never really listened to. somehow it sounds so much better now that i’ve watched the movie, haha.

and yes it’s a good movie, go watch it and tell me if you are, i might just want to watch it again, just to hear the songs in cinema-quality audio again. my only gripes with the movie is that the lyrics are well, a little cheesy. but that’s not their fault, since the music’s actually from the musical and musicals in general don’t offer spectacular lyrics… or maybe i’m just thinking of high school musical.
and oh i’m not sure but it feels like some stuff are a little out of place there… like half-naked guys dancing in accompaniment to their singing is so not 1960s and 70s? and their costumes were way too nice and elaborate for that time period too. but they were nice. and okay fine i’m just being nit-picky, the music and singing was good and that’s what really counts, right?
and whoa at jennifer hudson’s voice, i had no idea it was so powerful and good. just gotta love one night only and and i am telling you i’m not going. when is her album coming out???

and so dreamgirls was my second good show in recent days, the other one being, of course, the eusoff hall dance production a feast of fate. it was a jolly good show, and i’m saying that despite watching it like 1.75 times in two days. some parts of the script could maybe have been written a bit stronger, but on the whole i thought it was rather solid. though you could have thrown out the whole malik part and i wouldn’t really care cos i didn’t really get it, and i didn’t get to see the very last bit again since we had to go for the curtain call.
but okay, back to the script and all, the funny bits were really funny and kudos to the actors and actresses for bringing it out – my favourites were desiree’s “you like prawns right?”, daming’s “charrenges” and nikhil’s “but you had to play push-push” and “you think blind man cannot see is it!” or something like that. interestingly enough i laughed harder the second time round, probably because everyone else was doing so and it would have been a bit embarrassing since there weren’t much people around during the full-dress rehearsal on thursday.
okay conclusion, eusoff hall dp was GOOD. too bad some people were too stingy to get $25 tickets!!!

but at least we sat at the row directly behind the $25 seats, because i’d bugged the two misers maryam and yy to come a lot earlier to get good seats. got to my seat rather late though, because i was held up outside at the front of house. which proved to be a lot harder to set up than it looked, no thanks to this ucc staff who was so helpful she delayed us about at least half an hour because she wouldn’t get off our case on certain stuff. okay i’d actually written a few lines complaining about the whole thing but ah well let’s forget it, i suppose she was just doing her job anyway. though i seriously shudder to think that i might one day become a bureaucrat like her. i developed a migraine midway through our preparations, i suspect that it was partially because of her… i wouldn’t like to be in shufang’s shoes and have to deal with her, really.

being at front of house means i got to see most people before they went in, like people around hall and dr emmanuel. and also the families of people who were performing, though well, i only recognise two of them, haha. saw desiree’s family first, and i got a bit of shock when i realised that the tall hulking (well, almost!) guy beside her mum was clarence, whom i haven’t seen in years. and ironically we ended up sitting behind them during the show, and yy was complaining about how she couldn’t see properly and i had no idea until the intermission, haha.
vanessa’s family was there too, and it was rather funny when during the intermission vanessa’s sister, who was sitting quite a few rows in front with the rest of the quay family, turned around and asked eh is that the only dance she’s in? makes you wonder if someone left out some details when she got her family to buy $25 tickets, haha :P

and ahhh i can’t believe i forgot to watch the all-stars contest thing today. heard that the heat’s jason kapono (he’s been rather good for the heat lately, late bloomer, i suppose) won the 3-point shootout and that dwyane wade cruised to a win in the skills challenge over kobe bryant… yay! would have liked to see that, along with the dunk contest. if i’m lucky i’ll get to watch a bit of the all-stars game tomorrow… go east!

hmmm i can’t really remember what else i wanted to blog about and i guess i should at least catch some sleep. cny so far has been rather lazy, i suppose. brought my soci coursepack to my grandma’s place but ended up not touching it at all because i was just playing bridge and mahjong the whole day. too bad we didn’t throw in some stakes for mahjong, because i did win quite a few times. and my hands are damn itchy for mahjong now. denise, if you’re reading this i want my mahjong party!!! :(

okay time for sleep, i’m feeling strangely hungry now. and damn i’m eating a lot during this cny. gonna go running and stuff when i’m back at hall. have no excuse now that it’s the midsem break. though let me guess, i’ll say i’ll need to catch up on readings. nuh-uh, you’re gonna run and you’re not getting out of it.

and oh man i almost forgot.
happy 20th birthday vanessa!

boo i can’t believe i’m already 20, i feel nothing like it. at least i’m only one year away from watching R21 movies. and oh oh about movies again, who wants to have an academy awards nominated movie marathon from 23-25rd? its at cinema europa at vivo, tickets are 8 bucks a movie if you watch three movies… there’s babel, letters from iwo jima, little miss sunshine, the departed and the queen. i wanna watch the first three just because (and also because i’ve watched the other two) and i suppose this is a rather good opportunity to do so. you can get details about showtimes here, and if you’re remotely interested in going please call, sms or msn me! yeah, i’m desperate, haha.

okay okay i shall really really go to sleep now. for like 3 hours before all the cny stuff starts again.

step 0: regression and indecision.

and just let me hold you

whew, i finally get some time to myself, which means for the first time in a long time i can blog without feeling guilty about not studying for my midterms or catching up with readings… well, less guilty, anyway.
but annoyingly i think i won’t get to sleep early tonight, because everyone has decided to do their laundry today and at this time so i can’t get mine done till much later. ugh.

and well, i totally screwed up 25% of my china grade today. and while i have no one to blame but myself, i have no real idea how i managed to cock up so badly. like i should have figured that 25% of my china grade is more important than 10% of my eu grade, and focused more on china instead of eu. but somehow i thought that reading and paying attention during lectures would be enough. WRONG! i totally forgot there’s something called studying according to the format of the test, which means i didn’t focus enough on learning the definitions and significance of events and people.

hell, i didn’t even really study the day before the test and on the day of the test itself. what was i doing? bloody sleeping can? and while i can assure you that this time my sleeping was out of my control, i only have myself to blame, again.
i fell asleep at around 2am, waking up at about 4 plus for a minute or two before lapsing into sleep again until nearly 7am, when i started panicking and studying for the china test since i’d hardly touched it. but even then i could hardly keep awake, falling asleep every three minutes, or five, if i was lucky. i kept succumbing to 10 minute naps and even taking a shower didn’t help until it was too late… sigh.

i’m really upset because i don’t know how i was so careless this time. like my not realising that the china test was 25% of the grade and worse, my forgetting to not study according to the format, because these are things that i usually am very careful and look out for. i know i can still make up for it with my project and the final exam, but i’m just pissed off with myself because i could have definitely done a lot better, and it’s not like i haven’t been paying attention during lectures or not doing my readings… sigh, i guess that’s life, but still :( :( :(

at least i think i did okay for eu… i should get at least 15 out of 20, or 17, if i’m lucky. as usual i could have done better had i not been so careless, but oh well, what’s done is done, i guess. now to worry about my other tests, reaction papers and whatnot… sometimes i enjoy school but sometimes i just really hate it too. i’d rather just study, no tests, projects, nothing. oh well.

and well, we lost the overall ihg title. on goal bloody difference, and just when we thought we had it… i guess that’s life for you, as usual. which means well, life sucks? but didn’t we all know that already?

but okay, let’s be a little less negative and think about the better things that have happened so far. which well, isn’t a lot. but one of them was watching slightly more than half of the DP full dress rehearsal, which i thought was rather good. i have quite obviously spoilt it for myself but then again i was already rather spoilt before i even watched it so it’s not that bad. there are more stuff in it than i’d expected, anyway. yeah so i think it’s really quite good and my only regret is that i didn’t purchase 25 bucks tickets because the seats are so much better and because i think the performance is worth it… oh well.

the other nice thing was joining the SSTGNBC (so sad tennis girls no boyfriend club) party for a bit, playing a few nonsense games of taboo, just generally having fun until i had to go off to study. but before that they made me drink. just a teeny little bit though – half a shot glass of juice mixed with absolut. and while this would later prove my downfall in china later, i have to admit that i kind of liked the warm, slightly high kind of feeling i got after downing my half-shot of juiced vodka.
in fact, as crazy as i sound, i really feel like getting drunk sometime. soon, actually. not drunk till i’m puking and whatnot, but just drunk enough to feel high. no, i’m not going to become an alcoholic, i just want to know what it feels like to be drunk. anyone want to join me? haha.

and oh, v-day. or vee-day, as i like to spell it. had a bit of fun on tuesday night/wednesday morning when i woke up at 4am and decided to give everyone a bit of a surprise by sneaking around hall at an unearthly hour to scotch-tape (mini) chocolate bars and notes on the door handle of people’s rooms, mainly my neighbours in E3 and a few people in D block. i would have given something to more people, but i was out of chocolate and frankly too lazy to go to any other block. but i kind of miss the vee-day madness in stnicks, where it really was quite crazy. but as usual, things change and we all just have to learn to live with it, i suppose.

sigh. i’m getting rather worried, i’m missing the why history lecture again tomorrow because i have to go down and help prepare the front of house display. that’s like five lectures i’ve missed already, and taking cultural studies out of the equation, i think there’s more lectures than i’ve missed for the whole of last sem. and if my screwed up china test is any indication, i guess my aim of getting 4.0 and above for my second sem is increasingly escaping my grasp. well, i know i could still get it if i work hard, but i don’t know, i don’t have the confidence that i’ll be able to do it this sem… sigh.

and oh the nice movies are coming out soon! i want to watch epic movie because i need the lame laughter, letters of iwo jima since i heard that it’s good and because it’s like the sequel to flags of our fathers, and dreamgirls because i’ve also heard that jennifer hudson sings and acts well there. and i’m also interested in it because of the loose connection to the supremes, which i know of because of cultural studies, ironically. but anytime anyone wants to watch any of those movies, ask me! i’ll go anytime, as long as i’m free. most of the time, anyway.

i’m getting damn sleepy but can’t go to sleep yet because the laundry is very far from being done damn murphy’s law, the dryers and machines are always used when you need them, and abandoned when you don’t. and i’ll be sleeping at nearly 4am because of this… grrr. at least i don’t really have to get up early tomorrow. yay for sleeping in. haven’t done that in ages. well, it’s actually just a week but it’s not like you didn’t know how sleepy and lazy of a bum i am, right?

step one: stop with the imagination.

slow down, lie down,
remember it’s just you and me
don’t sell out, bow out,
remember how this used to be.

i just want you closer,
is that alright?
baby let’s get closer tonight

grant my last request,
and just let me hold you
don’t shrug your shoulders,
lay down beside me
sure i can accept that we’re going nowhere,
but one last time let’s go there,
lay down beside me
[paolo nutini: last request]

do you know?

argh. it seems like all i want to do recently is slack and sleep. well mostly just sleep, actually. which is a bad time because i really need to mug china history and eu, but every time i pick up my books and start reading a cloud of sleepiness inevitably settles on me and most of the time i can’t help but fall asleep. argh. this has got to stop. seriously.

as a sidenote, i’m really enjoying listening to my music of the moment now. namely songs from tonic, sister hazel and this guy called paolo nutini. weird name, but nice voice and music. it’s very nice and relaxing, and i wish i didn’t have tests, assignments and what not so i could just chill and listen to my music. oh well, that’ll be for the end of sem, i suppose.

there’s lots of stuff i feel like saying and blogging, but well, i guess i shan’t. no real point in it, anyway. but i really wish i knew what to do, what i could do about it. and hope that i can somehow find it within me to do what i need to do.

and hmmm, seems like sales for DP aren’t as good as expected, so if you wanna go watch eusoff hall’s dance production “a feast of fate” (which i hear has very good dancing!) and haven’t gotten tickets yet, there’s still time so come look for me yeah. leave a tag, msn, message, whatever. tickets are 18 bucks, i think the 25 bucks one has sold out or something. and oh it’s on friday, 7.30pm. come down and watch it people, i’m sure it’ll be great!

and hmmm again, i think i shall be a hermit and coop myself up in my room tomorrow so i can mug like mad for china and eu. i will hopefully wake up early enough to grab some hall breakfast, try to last the afternoon without lunch and have an early hall dinner. will save myself money in the process, i’m getting horribly broke.

okay back to eu. i can do this.

underneath the weight
of a heavy sky
i will grow my wings
i will learn to fly
cos even though my heart is big enough to fly away
underneath the confidence well i will never say i’m strong enough
to be alone

do you know?
do you know?
do you know how it feels to be angry?
do you know how it feels to be hurt?
when you live all your life for a moment
just to prove that you know what it’s worth
do you know?

i will show no fear
i won’t hide my scars
i will learn to give
i will love what’s ours

cos even though my heart is big enough to fly away
underneath the confidence well i will never say i’m strong enough
to be alone
do you know?
do you know?
do you know how it feels to be angry?
do you know how it feels to be hurt?
when you live all your life for a moment
just to prove that you know what it’s worth?
when you trust in appearing tomorrow
when you learn to forgive every day
all the times that you thought could be trusted
in the end they could all fall away

cos even though my heart is big enough to fly away
i’m strong enough
to be alone, yeah, alone
do you know?
do you know?
do you know how it feels to be angry?
do you know how it feels to be hurt?
when you live all your life for a moment
just to prove that you know what it’s worth?
when you trust in appearing tomorrow
when you learn to forgive every day
all the times that you thought could be trusted
in the end they could all fall away.
[tonic: do you know]

the lyrics make it look like a damn angsty-sounding song but trust me, it isn’t. well, not really, anyway. tonicpaolonutinisisterhazel! so many songs, not enough entries for me to plonk the lyrics down at…

twenty years, twenty tears.

i’d just blogged a chunk of text and as usual firefox decided to hang on me. i can’t be bothered to type it all again so here’s a very brief summary:
i am a terrible student.
SEA lectures are boring and feel damn useless.
the taco salad at carl’s jr rocks.
had to wake up damn early for handball, which we lost. badly.
did i mention that i’m a terrible student?
retail therapy helps, but it’s still not enough.
stuffing my face doesn’t help, either.

i don’t know how to react anymore. i saw it coming, i knew it was going to happen but somehow it still hurt when it really did happen. maybe it’s not really that big of a deal. maybe i’m thinking too much. maybe i need to really get over it and move on. maybe it’s just me.

and i’m quite surprised, actually. i seem to have matured and become numb to my feelings overnight, because i’m really upset but i’m not really feeling anything, either. well, relative to how i usually feel and react, that is.

in any case, i shall put this out of my mind and study now. or sleep. or at least i’ll try to.

and oh yeah, happy 20th birthday to me. well, it’s not like it has been a very happy one, but still. i mean, i still have to kind of celebrate 20 years of a mostly useless existence, right?

well, today was quite alright la. just that it greatly pales in comparison with my last two, of course. went shopping with my mum and sister at parkway parade, again. was annoyed to not find the bedlinen i wanted, found myself drawn to the timbuk2s at 77th street despite their being of awful colours, went a little crazy in esprit (yeah i pity my mum’s wallet) and spotted a rather suitable stand for my fan just when we were heading back home. like i said, the retail therapy was good but it didn’t really help…

for dinner, instead of going out to eat my mum bought stuff from the neighbourhood tze char stalls. so there was chilli crabs, cereal prawns, this deepfried tofu thing, broccoli and scallops, shark’s fin and my mum also cooked the abalone we bought the other day. yeah the food was good, though not in the same way as the taco salad or botak jones food was good, obviously. but it was all still quite good and i did appreciate my mum going out to buy all that food for me…

and so i have to mug like mad when i get back to hall tomorrow. like seriously. need to prepare for the soci tutorial (tell me how, when i have scarcely touched my soci readings?) and also write that very overdue match report for handball. and then maybe i’ll go down to MGS to watch the netball finals.

i’m so numb and calm it kind of scares me. oh well, at least i’m not breaking down… yet.

and oh yeah, i almost forgot, thanks to everyone who messaged or msn-ed me birthday wishes. thanks a bunch, i really appreciate it. but it hurts so damn much that i’ve heard nothing from you. one of my worst birthdays ever, because you didn’t even wish me this time.

and there are too many unanswered questions

i was initially feeling rather stoned and maybe even a little depressed, which made me quite unable to concentrate on reading despite my wanting to, but popping by the dailypuppy site fixed it :) it’s hard to be unhappy after looking at such gorgeously cute pictures of puppies. especially retrievers. i wish i had a puppy of my own in hall right now, it’ll probably make me smile all the time :)

had a close shave with the match report for the handball game because i only really started writing it at like 3 or 4am in the morning, falling asleep when i was halfway done and only waking up at about 9am so i hurriedly finished up the report in about 4o minutes before hurrying out for china tutorial.

and giving up my free wednesday to change to dr dubois’ tutorial was definitely worth it, his tutorial was so much better than the first one i had. for one i could understand what he was saying, and after esther nai telling me about how her tutor talked about the “oranges of the taiping rebellion” (she meant origins) i’m pretty sure having dr dubois as the tutor would be a lot better for the group project. which i think is going to be really difficult because it has to be a very specific and focused topic and we’ll have to write about 6000-8000 words for it, even though he did say there was no minimum number of words…

went to queensway/ikea with maryam and yy after tutorial, and boy what a day it was. we went to queensway to get my shoes first, and it was in the first shop with asics. i’d wanted to buy it in that shop, especially since it was already a lot cheaper than at stadium on sunday (like over 60 bucks cheaper!) but maryam and yy wanted me to walk around and compare prices so i kinda did. well i went to another shop but it was around the same price and the uncle had been rather nice and friendly (if not a little pushy when i said i’d think about it and come back later) so i went back to the first shop and got my gorgeously green kayano xii’s :D i realise now that it’s not actually the latest model but ah heck la it’s good enough and well, also expensive enough already? whatever the case, i really like my new shoes and i’m glad i got them so much cheaper here.

and then things got really really freaky. i obviously paid with nets, and was walking out of the shop with the nets receipt and my atm card in my hand, about to put them into my wallet. i put the receipt in, and was about to put the card in BUT THERE WAS NO ATM CARD. it’d just disappeared into thin air. seriously. i know for sure that i had the card when i left the shop, and one moment i had it and the next moment i didn’t. and it was highly unlikely that i’d dropped it because yy and maryam were with me and we all didn’t hear anything drop. and i’d realised it very quickly so we retraced the ten or so steps we’d taken, but there was no atm card to be found. we emptied my wallet and searched my bag, just in case, nothing. we went back to the shop to check, nothing either. it was very mystifying and freaky and we spent a bit of time pacing the area we’d walked before i discovered that the card was missing, but as expected no card turned up. by then all of us were totally freaked out because we had really no idea as to how the card could disappear from my fingers without my realising it. we eventually gave up and i called dbs to cancel the card… and that’s 5 bucks gone for no reason at all, argh.

at least there was a dbs bank right outside queensway, so i got my replacement card made immediately, because it’s insane to try and survive uni and hall life without an atm card, even for a few days. we went to ikea after that, and unfortunately i couldn’t find a suitable stand for my fan (which i haven’t actually used in a while, thanks to the mostly cool weather). and annoyingly enough they have the $6 shoe rack in stock again, and i’m kicking myself because it’s cheaper than what i bought that time and can store more shoes too. grrr. but well i didn’t have a choice then, either. it was either the $12 one i have now, or leave my shoes and slippers outside of my room in a messy heap.

lunch was swedish meatballs, which were pretty good and rather surprisingly filling. we all shared a princess cake after our food, which had ice cream in it and was not bad though the other two did find it a tad sweet. i think the daim cake would have been nicer though. but as it was maryam chose the princess cake, so i guess the daim cake will have to wait…

maryam and yy wanted to go to town but i didn’t want to, so i went back to hall and hmmm. can’t remember what i did, as usual. think i did a bit of reading, took a nap or just procrastinated the afternoon away. like what else do i do, right? oh oh oh now i remember. crap la my memory really sucks. i watched episode 14 of heroes with michelle, my fellow heroes fangirl in my room, and it was as usual a rather good episode, with a fairly shocking revelation at the end which made me and michelle both go AHHH at the same time. haha. can’t wait for the next episode!

went for handball training after dinner, and it was quite slack since peiluan wasn’t there and it was just rather relaxing rounds of shooting. and i’m increasingly convinced that i have no talent whatsoever at handball, despite my finally sort of figuring out my footwork. unfortunately i still can’t control my shots properly, and am also a bit confused because according to andrea i either have been doing it wrongly (again) or i heard wrongly from jiaxi or something. hmmm. but after a while i just didn’t shoot since there really wasn’t much point in my doing so and i’d rather give extra practice time to those who will be playing, like andrea.
and oh this training was quite a funny one because everyone kept ganging up on andrea whenever she was trying to practise this new move. at first it was just me playing defence for her, then shuting joined in and before we knew it everytime it was her turn there would be like 4 or 5 people defending her, haha. then she came up with this other new move (will not mention what it is, just in case) and it produced hilarious results when she kept trying it on different people because it kind of only works the first time. so after she tried it on everyone on the left wing and centre, she made shena come all the way from the right wing and did it to her, and i couldn’t stop laughing because shena’s reaction was just priceless. now all that’s left is to see if she’ll actually use it in the match against TH… haha!

did my usual try to study but end up stoning/moping thing, before falling asleep in the middle of reading. can’t even recall if i fell asleep on the chair or if i stumbled onto my bed, but i did wake up at about 5 or 6am feeling rather refreshed. so i read a bit before going back to sleep again, nearly oversleeping in the process.

china lecture was okay as usual, though my lethargy got to me after a while and for the first time in all my china lectures i was actually really quite sleepy. and i ended up copying more stuff than needed because i’d stapled my outline in the wrong order, just at the exact same time that i was sleepy so i think there are a few gaps in my knowledge now… argh.

went for the why history movie screening at the library after the china lecture, and it was so difficult not being able to eat at first because we were sitting in front and in view of dr crosswell so we didn’t think it was too nice to eat… but my hunger eventually won out and i started the pasta-eating ball rolling. the movie was alright, but writing a 1500 word (whew, i’d thought it was 3000 words) paper is definitely not going to be easy. but oh there were so many prison break parallels it really was quite funny. maybe i could do that for my paper, write about the parallels between the movie and prison break. hahaha.

eu lecture wasn’t too good today though. i conked out after writing a page of notes, and when i was fully awake, dr kelly for some reason was repeating stuff that he’d said about the treaty of paris two lectures ago? and oh man is YZQ annoying. maryam and yy went to ask dr kelly a question, and he had to butt in and “answer” the question and when dr kelly later asked maryam what country she was doing for the simulation, he had to also answer that he was doing britain and say in a rather weird way to maryam that “she wasn’t going to get the money”. erhhh, okay.

me and yy also decided during lecture that we wanted to eat something good today, so after spending some time reading in my room it was off to dinner. at botak jones, of course. this time we shared a chicken gumbo, a beef sausage and a steak. all of which was really quite good. the gumbo was a bit too spicy for the both of us and the sausage chunks in it were tasteless because all of their flavour had gone into the soup, but it really is quite a perfect thing to have during rainy weather. and the sausage was super damn good. the skin was nice and crackly and the sausage meat itself was just good, for lack of a better word. onions + ketchup + mustard + sausage = little piece of heaven. i totally dug that sausage man. the steak was good too, though i think it was juicier and more tasty when i first ate it. and we realise that the quality of food at botak jones isn’t actually very consistent. like the coleslaw is better on some days, the fries a bit too spicy on another and even the quality of the steak sauce can vary? but then again it’s usually still good and value for money, so i’m not complaining. and hmmm maybe i should try the lamb chop the next time, seeing as how i got offered three plates of lamb chop while i was sitting at the table, haha.

yy then went to buy a new fish because all of hers had died, and it was like CNY in the guppy tank because most of the fish were like in CNY colours. yy got a very beautiful (and frisky, it took quite a while for yy to catch it) fish though i can’t remember what colour it is.

came back and stoned again before looking at the puppy pictures gave me inspiration to study. and blog. am glad that i’m kind of out of my funk now, at least for the moment. but i have to say that at this point of time i’m rather unhappy, confused and at a loss as to what to do. i want to resolve matters but i’m too much of a coward, because it’s like going all in, i either win it all back or i lose it all. i seriously should stop thinking about it and maybe just get over it already, but me being me, it’s gonna take quite a while…

okay, back to eu now. i’ve finally caught up with most of the china reading, at least what’s enough for the test (but hmmm maybe i should just read everything, seeing that dr dubois did say that everything in the reading and lecture is fair game…) though i probably need to read it again cos i doubt i absorbed much in my first read-through. and i have to find some time to read for the rest of the modules, too. and prepare for soci tutorial which seems very awfully demanding somehow. oh well, i suppose it’s for my own good…

STUDY STUDY STUDY.

someone tell me what to do
i feel like i must be a fool
for ending up right back at the start
the things that we don’t comprehend
are laughing at my mind again
i think that i think too hard
and i don’t give enough credit to my heart

i’m so
damn curious to know
and there are too
many unanswered questions
that we hold onto

i’ve put my theories to the test
you know i’ve tried to do my best
but maybe we weren’t meant to strike gold
sometimes things that you ignore
are all the things i’m looking for
will i learn to let go
give into love and listen to my soul

and having so much to say

argh i hate myself. i need to sit down and churn out that match report so i can go to sleep but i’m just stoning now. i’m just sitting down and not doing anything, because i simply cannot gather any enthusiasm for anything now. and nope, i don’t feel like sleeping either. i know i shouldn’t be stoning but i just can’t stop. argh, someone get me out of this funk.

okay maybe the stoning feeling will go away after i blog. hopefully.

so, monday. was awoken rather annoyingly early by a message from my cousin, who changed his mind and decided that he was going to nus after all so he could give me a lift too. i thought, why not, better than taking public transport and i can always just go back to sleep in hall… WRONG!
well, it could have happened but i also just happened to drop my phone in my cousin’s car. and as you might know, my transponder and keys are attached to my phone pouch.
so yipee, in addition to being phone-less, i was also locked out of my room. i had to go to the hall office and use the phone there because i didn’t want to wake anyone up at like 9am and because the only public phone in hall requires phonecards. the practically antiquated ones, mind you. so by the time i got my phone back, after making quite a few calls, there wasn’t that much time to sleep and i wasn’t sleepy anymore. ended up cleaning my room (or more accurately, the floor) and doing a bit of reading before heading out to meet maryam at YIH for lunch.

watched a video during SEA tutorial and sad to say i was kind of sleepy at some points. which is my fault but it’s not exactly the most entertaining video either, right? our discussion after the video ended up a bit more like a debate but that’s kind of fun i guess. though some people just seem to argue for the sake of arguing, which is slightly annoying. and thank goodness i didn’t choose the 3-5pm slot for SEA tutorial, because i saw our “favourite friend” Ye ZQ coming in as i was heading out. what a close shave eh.

spotted maryam at one of the benches outside one of the LTs (13?) as i was heading back to hall, so i decided to be nice and keep her company till her lesson started. i was a bit hungry so i went to megabites, hoping to get some mashed potato but there was none to be had so i went for a sandwich instead. i got the bbq chicken, which was okay except for one detail. or rather, what i call an evil ingredient – they had cucumber! gross gross gross. must remember to ask for no cucumbers in my sandwich from now on. i had no reading material apart from SEA so i borrowed maryam’s soci textbook while she read lolita, until it was time for her to go off.

so fast forward all my procrastination, hall dinner etc, and hmmm what did i do? oh, i was doing research (no it’s not school-related, unfortunately) and don’t be too shocked, actually really reading. i’m still on china, though. i also decided i needed to start getting organised so i compiled all my deadlines, reprinted my updated timetable and more importantly, sorted out all my notes. yeah, i think i’m finally starting to get that mugging thing and feeling again. it’s a little late considering that nearly half the sem is over, but better late than never, right?
had a rather long DP PnP meeting and rather glued my eyes to my china reading after that. well i did procrastinate a little but not that much… i think.

soci lecture today was okay. second half of the lecture seemed a little irrelevant but at least TES wasn’t lecturing so i can’t really complain. and i was awake throughout too, which is a good sign. lunch was at megabites with yy and here’s some good advice you should follow if you eat there: don’t eat the bolognaise spaghetti. i repeat, don’t eat the bolognaise spaghetti. the cream ones are alright but the bolognaise is bad because while there’s quite a bit of meat, the sauce is like 99% water, nope am never going to touch it again. and megabites is getting a little screwed up now, because they reduced the number of checkout points from 4 to 2, and there was a disgusting queue to pay for the food. which comes after you’ve already queued for the food… thanks a lot for wasting our precious time, megabites.

went to the library after that, where i made yy cower in the power of my library skills. hahaha just kidding of course but well, yy really isn’t very good at looking for stuff in the library… i grabbed four books on china, paid my overdue fines (a whopping $4.50 can!) and headed to the co-op to buy some files so i could better organise my notes. and i met my dear teddy gayle there!

so we ended up talking as usual, and i accompanied her to biz so we could talk more, and as usual it’s a small world. she knows danielle because they were in the same OG and danielle knows esther nai because they’re both in KR. yeah, it’s a puny world. but i had fun catching up with gayle and having her dispense advice to me (that i kind of keep not listening to, can’t help it) and i can’t wait to meet up with her sometime :D

and grrr i ended up taking a nap when i went back to my room after that, giving myself a bit of a scare when i only woke up at 4.30pm when i was supposed to meet the handball girls at 5. cue long bus ride to temasek, and my ipod happily took this opportunity to give me the “please connect to computer and restore message” so i was left without music, bah. at least ai li lent me one side of her earphones later, yay. and oh it was peiluan (our alumni coach)’s birthday so we all sang happy birthday to her and presented her with a small ice cream cake, hehe.

our game today was a lot better. it wasn’t just that the competition was lousier, it was also that we definitely were playing our usual game, i think. so we thrashed them 11-1… next stop, TH. it’ll be tough but i think if we play our game we should do okay. am particularly impressed by shena and ai li’s defence, because they really go out to clamp the opponents, timing it well and usually getting it, too. i felt ouch for ai li whenever she went out though, it’s like i can almost feel the bruises forming everywhere on her already… yeah, handball’s a painful game.

chialing had driven there so i shamelessly hitched a ride back so i could watch tennis, and help xintian to the car at the same time. the poor girl sprained her ankle during warm-up, and while i don’t think it was a very very bad sprain, it was definitely quite painful because it’s well, her virgin sprain. and for someone who plays sports, not spraining her ankle till now is really quite incredible man. at least she got piggybacked – twice. shena carried her from the handball court to chialing’s car, and ching har helped her from chialing’s car to her room when we were back in hall. sprains are obviously nasty things and i’m just glad i’ve been able to hang in there so far without any major injuries. let’s hope it stays that way…

bought food from fong seng because i was starving and hadn’t had dinner before making my way to the tennis courts, and unfortunately things weren’t good for us, we’d lost the first two singles and our doubles didn’t look too good… so sigh, we ended up losing to KR in the end. i don’t think we were necessarily lousier than KR though, they just had the line-up which was to their advantage. but well, i’m still proud and in awe of all the girls who have made it and fought their way so far. ro, for her 3.5 hours match, kim&jenna for coming back and saving not just one but two matches, alina for beating KEVII’s best player despite being new and shanta for being a great captain. screw the result, well done everyone! yeah, i’m the tennis girls’ no. 1 supporter hehe.

and oh, unfortunately the guys also lost to KEVII, but on the bright side, at least it’s not TH? haha. walked back alone because i wanted some time to myself and because all of them were still having their debrief. and funnily enough as i was nearing eusoff they suddenly appeared, all squashed in a car and insisted that i squash in with them. so i did, with ro in the front seat and it was rather funny cos she kind of ended up sitting on the automatic clutch and the driver was like oei get off or i can’t drive! haha.

i guess blogging does kind of help, some of that stoning feeling is gone. am feeling rather sleepy because my eyes are tired, though. shall go take a shower and work on that report. if i’m lucky i’ll get two or three hours of sleep. need to start training my body to survive on reduced amounts of sleep, or i’ll be dying after recess week, with the amount of work and tests i have to do. and unhappily enough i have two tests, china and eu, next thursday. boo. am definitely not looking forward to it.

okay am gonna get that shower or i’m going to fall asleep.

i’m living in days long gone
i wish they would return
when things were simple
uncomplicated, no tension
i miss those days.(ijustwanttobefriends)