i really should stop procrastinating.

erm, yeah. but quick quick little thought in my head that i just had to kinda get out.

like how dr. emmanuel rocks, because he basically extended my already way too late deadline for the transcriptions. so that was one less thing i had to worry about. although i’m also sure that it really fired up the procrastinator in me… but i’m still really really grateful, anyhow. and i will really work on it once this crazy essay/assignment-EMC-research project mess is over.

dinner at his place was also great – plenty of laughs as usual, and of course, there was ciaran :D

and oh yeah, heroes is back! and i can’t believe i had no idea until i was at dr. e’s place, sheesh. but as soon as i got back to my room, i started to look for a direct download. haha. i finally got it by lunchtime the next day, and got my heroes fix. can’t wait for the next episode already.

on the topic of tv, i also finished hanakimi the other day. in some ways i like the manga better and in some others, the drama. the manga had way more sano/mizuki moments, but the drama had a slightly more compelling/convincing story, and of course, there was OGURI SHUN :D

and i’m starting to like horikita maki, too. nakatsu in the drama is also a lot funnier and i suppose likeable, though i kinda didn’t like how he also knew that mizuki was a girl, because the revelation to the dorm heads scene became drastically different from the manga. hmph.

and oh, this is rather hilarious. for a while i kept wondering if it was just me being weird for finding kagurazaka kinda hot in a tezuka way, then i found out that he (shirota yuu) was tezuka in the prince of tennis live action movie and a few of the musicals! coolness. and the drama also made it super funny cos of all the implied sano-kagurazaka crack. haha!

and okay, time to get back to that ww2 essay…

my new blog… possibly.

yes, it is entirely possible that i might just move my blog. big, big maybe. wordpress is looking really good, except for the fact that i can’t change the theme/layout at all. unless i find some free web hosting thing and move, etc.

what i really liked was how i could import everything from the old blogspot blog. all 1400+ entries of it.

actually, i wouldn’t really mind keeping to something like this. it’s a more… professional style of blogging? but also a lot less personalised, yes. but given that i have no time to go photoshop a photo and play around with css and the like (wait a minute, i already have to do that for the GEK1511 individual project. thanks.), i suppose this would have to do for now?

and yes i have so totally procrastinated my ass off. i mean, i’ve been writing stuff for that darned ww2 essay but it just is not fitting really well. i sort of have the info in my head, it’s just a matter of organising it. or so i think.

oh well. back to work. really.

s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d.

arghhhhh. it’s 7.05am, it’s raining (perfect sleep weather, anyone? :(( ), and i am so regretting my decision to sleep at 3am and set my alarm for 6am last night, instead of working through the night and turning in at like 7am, like usual. oh wait, i haven’t done that in a while. but i think you get where i’m coming from la huh.

and well i shouldn’t really be blogging now, considering how i’m so hard-pressed for time, but it is precisely the fact that “i have no time” that makes blogging so much more attractive, i suppose. in any case, what i want to say is…

I AM SO FREAKING STRESSED CAN.

i feel like i’m about to break down and die soon. literally. the amount of things that i have to do, am supposed to do is downright scary and i’m frankly surprised that i haven’t already gone bonkers. and when i think about it, this is only the beginning. when the bazaar comes round at the end of october… ugh. please keep all suicide-able materials away from me then.

maybe i’m unduly stressing myself out, but i don’t think i am. tell me how can one be not stressed when:
- i feel like i have to breathe drink and eat emc and think about bazaar all the time
- i have to transcribe my horrible backlog of interviews. which is like, EVERYTHING.
- i find out that i really really hate transcribing, and that i’m horrendously slow at it. like i took nearly an hour transcribing 15 minutes for the bee lum and suan imm interview.
- i have to finish the transcribing by this friday.
- my 1000-2000 word take-home exam essay for farrell’s total war module is due by sunday night, 11.59pm
- i don’t even have an outline (or an idea) for the aforementioned essay
- i have a 1500 word essay for kelly’s europe of the dictators due on monday 11.59pm
- i have no time to do the essay on monday since i have lessons the whole day and a bazaar meeting at night
- the soci reaction paper is due on thursday and i have at least two more readings to go before i can even start doing the paper
- monday will see us getting handed essay questions for intro to world history. due date: freaking friday.
- the individual project for intro to computing is due on friday, too. oh joy.
- did i mention that during this whole time, i still have to think about and handle emc and bazaar matters?????

okay yes so maybe a little of that stress is self-generated. just a little. i mean, there’s SO MUCH i have to do, and so freaking little time. there’s only 24 hours in a day and it doesn’t help that i have an unruly body that likes to sleep too damned much.

and yes, if you ask me now, i really feel like i regret joining emc… not because i don’t like what i’m doing, but because it’s so much more work than i had ever envisioned, and that it’s happening at the wrong time.

but well… it’s probably all my procrastination accumulating and biting me in the behind now, actually. i could have done the transcriptions much much earlier, but what did i do? procrastinate. dr. kelly gave out the questions a month ago, but when did i start? this week. so yeah, technically i only have myself to blame, no? so yes, i just have to suck it up and complete everything… somehow.

but honestly? i’ve never been so freaking scared for my grades. never, ever. i’m behind in readings for all my modules, and i don’t have a module i’m confident of scoring for. except for intro to computing… maybe. and i’m trying to recall if i was so behind in my readings by the mid-sem break the last two sems, but i can’t seem to remember. in any case, i didn’t have so much to do in terms of hall commitments last year.

sigh. sometimes i feel like quitting while it’s early. it’s so sorely tempting, especially when i think about how hall commitments last a year. not just a sem. so it’s not just one sem’s grades i’m jeopardising here, it’s my entire second year. i am so, so tempted. even as i sit here and tell myself that no, i’m not a quitter, i can’t tell you just how much i want to. how much i would love to. it would be so easy, really. all it would take is a few words, and i would be freed from the burden and dare i say shackles of commitment.

but i don’t want to, because i refuse to believe that i have a will so weak i cave in the moment there’s pressure. and aside from the fact that i would feel damned guilty if i were to do that, i don’t want to look back with regrets and wonder what if. i mean, there is an equal possibility that i could look back and say damn, i really should have quit, but at least i would have gone through the entire experience, at least if i get the same feeling i have now, i would know, yes i have to quit.

so for now… nope, no quitting. i will get through this. i will get through this. i will get through this… or at least i can, y’know, die trying? haha. and at least now i know, don’t get involved in so much shtuff (want to guess it’s a combination of which two words?) the next time.

and i’m sorry if you read this expecting an update on my life, and got a huge dose of omg-i’m-so-stressed-i-wanna-die angst instead. well technically i shouldn’t be sorry, considering that this is really what my life is about at the moment. yes, it’s terribly sad, i know. but it’s not like i have a choice, huh…

i suppose, the only remotely good (but also very negligible) thing to come out of this is that, at least i’m kept so busy by all of the above shtuff that i have scarcely any energy or time to think about other things. well technically i’m not even really thinking about them to begin with, but i can’t help being occasionally distracted. i think it’s the novelty of newness, so hopefully that novelty will wear off soon…

okay, i’ve blogged (aka procrastinated) quite a bit so… yeah. time to go back to tearing my hair out over whether it is fair to say that the great depression made world war 2 inevitable (maybe i should change question?) and whether the victory of stalin over trotsky was inevitable from the outset.

in the meantime, wish me luck, and it would still be a good idea to keep sharp objects and the like away from me. really. haha.

nothing on my mind (or so i think)

i don’t know why, but i just have practically no inclination to blog these days. maybe it’s because time is flying so darned quickly, and that i have so many things to do and think about it’s almost suffocating but then again that is no excuse, considering that i always managed to still blog in the past. i guess i’ve just lost that blogging feeling? i mean, i can still go on and on whenever i do sit down and start typing, but as i come to the end of each day, there is nothing in me that says “sit down and blog to procrastinate”. other things call out to me more these days. especially my bed.

and oops. i just checked the last entry to see what i last blogged about, and boy i didn’t realise it was that long ago. and because i can’t be bothered to list down every detail (plus i can’t remember), i suppose i’ll have to make do with a brief summary.

basically i’ve just been very busy with both studies and hall stuff, having fun with all the E3 girls, celebrating birthdays, procrastinating… and did i mention busy? though the funny thing about me being busy is that i still hardly get any work done. crud. i know perfectly well how busy this sem is and how i’m disturbingly VERY behind for all my modules, and yet i just can’t seem to stop myself from procrastinating. i really need to discipline myself but it just seems impossible, given that all my willpower seems to have evaporated away… sigh.

okay, i have to get my act together. less procrastination, more work, okay?

and just to remind myself, this is what i need to do:
- quickly read up and post replies on the forum for total war
- decide on a question and start looking for books for the europe of the dictators essay
- start reading for the reaction paper for soci
- decide on a topic for the individual project for intro to computing
- do more background research for the soci project
- read up and mentally prepare myself for the take-home midterms for total war and intro to world history

and that is only the tip of the iceberg, because i have other things like…
- transcribe all my assigned interviews for the research project
- start on the write-up on education for the research project
- finish designing the ribbons for georgia
- confirm/do up the E3 noticeboard with vanessa chang
- do something about the block lounge
- eusoff marketing and communications stuff, which includes meeting my team, calling people up, having meetings about eusoff bazaar…

and yarh, doesn’t help that i still persistently procrastinate, does it? so if you see me procrastinating, go smack me or something okay?

on a sidenote, i think it’s rather funny, ironic even, that i’m no longer distracted (or at least i think i am less distracted) by some things, but i’m finding it even harder to sit down and concentrate on studies and work now. how strange.

alright, time to have dinner before i get ready to head back to hall. where i will study. oh yes i will.