this is really frustrating. believe it or not, i’m so determined to finish the christianity essay by tomorrow i hardly even have thoughts of procrastination.
which is good, except for the fact that i’m having a bad case of writer’s block now. arghhh. i have most of my points already mapped out but i just can’t translate them to proper words and sentences. very, very annoying.
and for some inexplicable reason, my body is choosing this time to have funny pains. my heel hurts just from the short walk to behind. and my right knee and hip are doing the rheumatism-like pain thing. when it’s not even remotely cold. wth right?
(update) i hate to say this, but i’m such a drug addict. am feeling happily liberated from my joint pains after taking a painkiller. my liver and kidneys will beg to differ, but thank goodness for NSAIDs.
can’t concentrate on work, but the pressure of the deadline is so stifling i don’t feel inclined to do anything none assignment-related (save for watching the last two episodes of witness to a prosecution ii, possibly). and i’ve just downed a can of nescafe so that means i should be up all night.
satisfying/exciting deviance lecture that also gave me some ideas for my paper
strawberry milkshake i had today was good. nicer than usual.
did well for my christianity midterm! 44/50. thank goodness studying the lecture notes alone was enough.
charmaine sheh got #5 in the next magazine’s top 10 tv artistes award! it’s quite big in hongkong, and this is the 7th consecutive time she’s gotten into top ten! (bobby au-yeung’s gotten it for a record 10 times, though he’s not in this year.)
raymond lam’s in the top 10 for the first time! and he’s at #6, right beside charmaine! all the charray fans (myself obviously included) are like (((: now.
drive of life was #3 and word twisters’ adventures was #5 on the top 10 tv series. two charmaine series! yay.
both charm and ray are attending the next awards, so it’s quite likely that i’ll get a nice dose of charray today (:
a certain little something else… (:
some other less happy things:
the looming double deadline on friday
having an anniversary book project meeting with the master tomorrow evening. hoping that it won’t take too long…
or else i won’t be able to rush the deadlines ‘properly’
having to finish the bulk of my christianity essay today or i’ll be dead on friday
still having zero idea as to what the structure of my deviance paper will be like
doesn’t help that i’m also a bit panicky about whether i can write a good soci paper. i really want to do well for deviance because i like it so much, but i don’t know, what if i just suck :(
missing out on the threadless tee sale because well, not enough people/tees to go and buy with
my sickening propensity to still want to slack despite the double deadlines
okay, time to write that christianity essay… have mostly planned it, but now i have the headache of what examples to use. am feeling woefully un-knowledgeable about the whole christianity thing. don’t know how i got that test grade, really.
am addicted to cranberries! choice snack of the moment :D
i have to sadly confess that i’m addicted to watching witness to a prosecution ii (aka 洗冤錄II)… but it’s not my fault! not really. i mean, it’s only 22 episodes and there’s charmaine and bobby. tell how do i resist watching a series with my two favourite tvb artistes?
i have to also confess that i’ve yet to watchreturn of the cuckoo (aka 澳门街) which should be a heinous crime for a charmaine sheh fan. so i’m downloading it now :D
apparently lots of tvb series are no longer available on crunchyroll because they’re licensed. DARN. oh well, it’s a good thing i’ve become rather good at reading chinese subtitles. yeah you read that right. haha!
in spite of all my tvb addictions, i need to stop being such a slacker and practise this thing called self-restraint. tsk.
5 more days to 2 papers (3500 words!) due! STOP BLOGGING ALREADY!
bah. stupid migraines just won’t completely go away. even after sleeping so much, i can still feel tiny twinges of migraines that may become a full-blown mass of pain any moment. grrr.
and maybe it’s because i’ve taken too much medicine or something, i ended up having really weird dreams this morning. like dreaming that my house got robbed. not burglarised, because i think like all of us were still at home. then my dream morphed into some tvb drama-like setting, complete with tvb-like subplots which i shall not describe here because they’re so weird.
thankfully, they were just dreams.
i really should be figuring out what to do for my deviance essay so i can submit a proposal to my tutor, but i’m getting distracted. by the fact that i only have 5 more episodes to go to finish dicey business. which obviously throws up the temptation to just marathon it to get it over and done with…
yeah right. once that’s finished i’ll just start on something else and the same thing will just happen all over again. wonder what i should watch, though. i am so tempted to rewatch drive of life for the charray goodness. but then i also feel like watching witness to a prosecution ii, since there’s bobby and charmaine in it… or maybe i should wean myself off tvb for a bit and watch american dramas. too bad there aren’t any new episodes of heroes. but then again i still have grey’s (which i’m still hopelessly behind at), the l word (haven’t even started watching) and some other stuff burnt away… or maybe i should save them for the hols.
speaking of the hols, it turns out that the holiday block this time is E block! woohoo. and i’m going to request that i get my own room back, for obvious reasons. no need to move! i can’t tell you how happy that would make me. because whenever i think about holiday stay, the only thing that holds me back is having to drag my stuff all the way to A block. and having to do that again when i move back to E block. horrible, i tell you. i think allan will also be quite happy because it means i won’t have to solicit his help to carry my chair. i think he still can’t get over how heavy it actually is. haha.
okay time to tear myself away from procrastination and to actually start reading about moral panics so i can come up with a decent topic for my deviance paper. and also to think and maybe even start writing the christianity one. it feels weird starting so early but then again it’s either that or stress myself out in the days preceding 28 march.
geez. i have to be real careful not to get migraines now, because it seems that if i get one, it won’t go away with just sleep and two ponstans. rather, i need multiple medicate-and-sleep sessions. and i’m starting to believe that it only goes away if i take anarex. which means i can congratulate myself on making my body immune to ponstan… crap.
and okay since i actually know why i get migraines sometimes, i really should change my lifestyle, damnit. like sleep more regular hours (where have i heard that one before?) and not go on my DS for hours and hours. which i guess i can also translate to “play less, study more”. i mean, since my body is telling me not to procrastinate so much, i figure i should listen to it? or else it’ll unleash its arsenal of migraines and acid refluxes on me… ugh. just thinking about it makes my head hurt.
yes, i’m actually still having a migraine now. it’s not at the most painful stage now, but i know if i don’t get rid of it, it’ll really come back with a vengeance. sigh. which is why i’m going back to sleep again even though i’m not really that sleepy.
something to think about when i try to sleep – am i being overly sensitive? and should i be irritated or worried? hmmm.
oh yes, some music again. graham colton this time.
I’m writing you for the hundredth time
Cos ninety nine I threw away
And in my mind a thousand times
I’ve said everything I wanna say
I’ve said everything I wanna say
But you find a way to keep me hanging on
You find a way to make everything go wrong
It’s the way you lose me
Say you choose me
Then pass me by like you never knew me
You find a way to lead me on
I change my mind a thousand times
but circumstances stay the same
I told you no an hour ago
I’ve said everything I wanna say
I’ve said everything I need to say
But you find a way to keep me hanging on
You find a way to make everything go wrong
It’s the way you lose me
Say you choose me
Then pass me by like you never knew me
Till I find a way of moving on
And when I think I’ve figured out
I’ve found a way to live without
You come around and everything’s all wrong
I’m waking up alone at night
remembering when the time was right
You’re only here a moment then you’re gone
You find a way to keep me hanging on
You find a way to make everything go wrong
It’s the way you lose me
Say you choose me
Then pass me by like you never knew me
You find a way to lead me on
Till I find a way of moving on
You find a way you lead me on
I’ll find a way
I’m moving on
i just realised that this could possibly be my most “free” week in the entire semester. there was no samurai lecture today cos clancey’s away, and there won’t be christianity lecture cos of good friday. and since this is an odd week, i have practically no tutorials. which means i have a grand total of two lectures and one tutorial this week.
which means lots of free time. now to control myself and not squander that time away watching dicey business (which i realise is a weird title because they hardly play dice in the entire show) or playing my DS.
anyway, i did manage to finish that terrible essay yesterday – about 3 hours before the deadline. not bad considering that everything else i did last sem was either done right down to the last minute or overdue. and no, no more overdue work. have learnt my lesson.
and you know what? maybe i’ll actually start on that christianity essay soon. so i can focus all my last-minute energy on the deviance paper, which i am very uncertain and shaky about.
and i’ve been damn slack about the exercise. think i will hit the gym later at night. maybe i’ll even go on the treadmill a bit to see if my lousy left foot is remotely better.
alright i have nothing particularly enlightening to talk about so that’s it. but oh, more music for you. james morrison makes for very good listening (:
You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I’ve gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might know my heart.
You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me,
And I can say I’ve never bought you flowers
I can’t work out what the mean,
I never thought that I’d love someone,
That was someone else’s dream.
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
‘Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might know my heart.
Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart
arghhh. i’ve written 447 out of 1500 words but 300 of those words (aka the first content paragraph) feels grossly irrelevant and gives me a it’s-so-obvious-from-the-reading-why-am-i-even-writing-it feeling.
doesn’t help that i think my thesis statement and concept of the entire essay feels damn off, too. the stupid question is so irritatingly vague that i spent a few hours just fretting over whether my thesis statement answers the question or not.
just in case you’re wondering, the blasted question is…
“Based on the assigned readings given below, analyse the use of racial and cultural discourse/representation in East Asian international relations from 1931 to 1945.”
analyse WHAT, exactly???
on one hand i’m thinking i should just screw it and just finish the damned essay but on the other hand i’m like no, i should be writing a good essay that will get me at least an A-, not just any lousy old essay that will leave me with a B+ or B.
but you know what? i can’t think of anything else anyway. which means i’m just going to churn out the remaining 1003 words and hope that for some reason prof teow will find it utterly brilliant (but then again, he put “very good work” for my midterm and i still only got a B+) or that based on the bell curve my essay will actually be quite passable.
thankfully i’m not sleepy at all (hurray for my completely screwed up circadian rhythm, for once) so i can hopefully come up with at least another 500 words before the sleepiness sets in.
okay back to work so i can actually finish the essay and also try and squeeze in time to prepare for christianity tutorial. or maybe i should stop being so kiasu about the participation grade considering that i’ve spoken up (not always with good consequences) quite a bit during the earlier tutorials already.
as usual, now is probably not a great time for me to be blogging. it’s nearly 4am, i have yet to start on my assignment due on monday and i’m kind of supposed to wake up a bit earlier to go back to hall and work on it tomorrow. oh well.
went for the 3404 ORD gathering today – more guys than girls present, unsurprisingly. grabbed a quick bite at the prata house (which is much better than niqqi’s) because i’d taken my own time to get there, before everyone headed over to gideon’s place.
once we were there, maryam and yy unleashed their very good cookies and cupcakes (which i really really like because the chocolate is just right for my sweet tooth) on us. for entertainment, we played taboo. i was on the same team as maryam, yy, hsienjun, youjun and mark, the last-minute addition to our team. anyway, it was pretty fun and hilarious, and of course me maryam and yy had a slight advantage of knowing each other a bit too well… hahaha. funniest/coolest bit for me was probably when maryam was like “and my heart did time in ______?” for siberia. which probably would only work with me since i introduced her to that backstreet boys song… haha.
we watched click for a bit before the xbox360 was, ahem, hooked up (along with gideon and jasper… haha!) and the guys played winning eleven. mark and jasper were funny cos they apparently cannot beat gideon despite their countless rematches… i should probably challenge mark. have a feeling that i could beat him even though i have next to nil winning eleven experience, except for the too-easy version on my DS.
and well actually my real reason for blogging is to whine and grouse about my knack for losing… guess what? CARDS.
i should actually be grateful that i’m only losing cards and not things like wallets and phones (or rather, i’ve been lucky enough to always get them back) but still, this is crazy. you might recall how my POSB atm card managed to vanish on me in queensway last year, when i bought my asics. but oh wait. that wasn’t even the first time! prior to that, i had my nice silver atm card poof on me after a sakae sushi buffet with maria like two years (three? can’t remember.) ago.
and now i’ve managed to lose TWO cashcards with close to 20 bucks of value left in each card in three month. i mean, the sem isn’t even over yet and i’ve gone through two cashcards? i think i’ve thrown away like 50 bucks thanks to my inability to retain cards. ugh.
and curses on dishonest people, because this time i actually wrote my name and contact on the new cashcard (yes, i got paranoid after the first time. apparently i was being a bit too idealistic.) and i think i lost it on monday but well, no one’s contacted me… arghhh. anyway guess i should cut down on my spending. am going “broke”, in the sense that well, i’m spending rather indiscriminately but i’m not getting any money in…
can’t go and ask my mum to pay for my cashcard either, because that will just make her not want to get that supplementary credit card for me. well, actually i AM a bit paranoid about losing the card when i get it, but at least i have a (marginally) better with my atm/debit cards…
anyway, the card isn’t for me to go on shopping sprees. it’s actually more for saving hassle. my mum’s getting the SMRT credit card thing which apparently tops up your ezlink card automatically or something. and probably i’ll get that too, so i don’t have to worry about topping up my ezlink, and no more having to bring my mum receipts, too. ditto for buying stuff like clothes and other “claimable” items – i’ll just charge it to the credit card and voila, no more giving my mum headaches with the apparently massive amounts of money i have to “claim” from her when i get back home…
well, i figure that i probably should be a bit more independent and less reliant on my parents for money, seeing that i’m 21 and all, but trust me, i don’t have much of a choice (i’d be really broke otherwise) and actually i only ask for really necessary stuff.
though ahem, as you may know, my definition of “necessary” is very very subjective… haha. anyway i need to save up money since the things i really want are always erm, rather expensive… haha. i’m terrible with lusting after “toys” la. like i’m still harbouring thoughts of getting a psp for myself even though i already have my DS… well, i’ll see. and anyway i also need money in my account so i can be a loan shark to my dear friends, right??? you know who you are! hehehe.
and oh, after hearing or rather seeing vanessa rave about glen hansard & markéta irglová’s the swell season, i went to download it and i must say that it really is pretty good. not exactly my most favourite type of music (and i’m actually liking james morrison’s undiscovered better, in general) but falling slowly has really stuck in my head and i really like that i can actually hear the emotions/feelings in that song. i mean, some songs are nice on the ears but they don’t really make you feel. and i think matt nathanson (some mad hope) and emerson hart (cigarettes and gasoline) do that pretty well, too. or maybe i just really like their voices, haha.
woohoo, last minute news – man u’s back at the top of the table! arsenal drew. again! with middlesbrough, and a late goal (86th minute) again. hmmm suddenly i think liverpool might get the better of arsenal in the champions league, after all… and well i guess we’re getting our luck back, with our pretty hard-fought game at derby. it’s a slim 1-0 win, but a win is a win. thank goodness for cristiano ronaldo. he totally rocks my man u socks now. figuratively, of course.
okay, guess i shall go sleep now… and here’s wishing myself luck and less procrastination for that east asian assignment. which i really don’t like because it’s so irritatingly vague. so i’ll leave you here with falling slowly and its lyrics (:
I don’t know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can’t react
And games that never amount
To more than they’re meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I’m painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I’ll sing along
one of the funniest things i’ve seen about the whole mas ’scofield’ selamat thing. saw it on sg_ljers while looking at some other post on how a mr sim s k said that size 8-10 is fat for young chinese women… and you wonder why people get anorexia.
anyway, i’m glad to say that i’m feeling much better now. went home to see a doctor (the timing of this happening right after i came back from the uhwc is almost uncanny) and yes, it was heartburn.
apparently my stomach was over-producing acid because of stress and/or my terribly unhealthy lifestyle (i.e. sleeping at 7am and irregular meals) and the acid was torturing my stomach as well as creeping up my esophagus to also deal it some damage.
and it was so damn freaking painful la. it felt like gastric pains, but quite a few times worse and at one point of time it was so bad i couldn’t even concentrate on typing out a message. scary.
this episode of heartburn was so sufficiently painful that yes, i’m going to try and change things. like sleep a bit earlier and argh… as much as i am loathe to, eat hall dinner if i really have to. just so i get regular meals… or maybe i’ll just walk to the deck and get dinner and stuff. at least i also move my body a bit that way? haha.
i went back to hall today morning because of the 50th anniversary working session, but as it turned out i still didn’t feel too good so i ended up not going. and so i proceeded to sleep the entire morning away… amazing, really, how much i can sleep.
okay time to go back to reading so i can prepare for my presentation on monday… only now do i realise the perils of having all my tutorials on even weeks, because the coming week is pretty busy (tutorials, east asian presentation, christianity test, having to start on writing papers, etc) so i’m not really looking forward to it. but well i never really like the later parts of the week, anyway…
at least i have something to look forward to tomorrow – good food! getting my belated birthday treat from stella at morton’s steakhouse tomorrow. good steak and godiva chocolate cake, here i come! :D
erm yeah, i’ve digressed. so back to the reading. really.
oh, one last thing – for some reason the backstreet boys’ what makes you different (makes you beautiful) keeps getting stuck in my head. like i don’t realise i’m singing it (in my head) until i return to my room after showering. odd. i mean, the backstreet boys???
arghhhhh. i can’t even study when i want to, because of this horrible pain in the whereabouts of my stomach and chest. think it’s indigestion (from what???) or heartburn. or heart attack. hope it’s not the latter eh.
i went to sleep and when i woke up i thought YES it’s gone but damn it’s not.
going to go lie down again. this sucks. the pain is so bad, i can’t even concentrate enough to watch like a tvb drama or something.
